Why Does My Ex Keep Sending Mixed Signals?

So they broke up with you… then they call you. They tell you to leave them alone, then you get a late-night text message from them…

What gives? Is your ex just doing all this to torture you, or do they really have some kind of unknown agenda in mind?

Ex Sending Mixed Signals

Mixed signals are some of the hardest things to figure out when dealing with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend. The hot-and-cold nature of speaking to someone who isn’t sure of what they want can be confusing and infuriating, not to mention the roller-coaster ride of hope and hopelessness you’re forced to go on when your ex keeps stringing you along.

The first thing to understand here is that your boyfriend or girlfriend is also going through a breakup. Just because he or she seemed sure about ending things doesn’t mean they aren’t experiencing many of the same things you are.

Heartbreak, loneliness – these things are running through your ex’s mind too. Since they’re the ones who decided to break up, the decision still weighs heavily on them, and usually for some time afterward. Even if your ex started seeing someone new, there will always be lingering emotional ties. And some of these ties will be so strong, that they feel compelled to get in touch with you, or even ask to see you again.

How to Handle it When Your Ex Calls or Texts

Any contact from your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend is almost universally a sign of interest. Unless they’re getting back in touch to pick up something they left at your place (and even sometimes then), they’re contacting you because they have a NEED for such contact. This need is fulfilled the minute you pick up the phone or text them back, so you should be very careful with how you respond. If you’re not in agreement with the breakup and really want them back? Answering them right away might seem a little needy or desperate on your part.

The worst thing you could do at this point is ‘chase’ your ex through these hot and cold moments. Because sometimes, all they want from you is the knowledge you’re still there. You’ll get ex boyfriends or girlfriends who give you the:

“Hi! Just wanted to make sure you’re okay with everything…”

This is basically for their benefit and not yours; your ex really doesn’t care much about how you’re doing at this point, but care more about whether or not you’re still ‘around’ in case they decide to call off the breakup. Whether you tell them you’re okay or NOT okay doesn’t matter. What matters is you answered them, and this is pretty much all they really wanted.

Another thing an ex will do is try to string you along with stuff like:

“I’ll always love you, but I’m just not in love with you.”

This is the equivalent of putting you on a shelf for later on. You’ve been Friend-Zoned. Put somewhere you have no power, yet still have to answer to your ex if they happen to need you for moral support, a dilemma, or just a shoulder to cry on.

Allow yourself to be put on this shelf, and you’re effectively ending any chance you might have of being with this person again. Because whenever you play the “I’ll be there for you” game, you’re only going to be there when HE or SHE needs you, and not when you need something from them.

Texting Your Ex – What to Do After the Breakup

There are a lot of texts that happen after relationships end, and you should know how to respond to them. Some texts might come off as innocent, but in reality they’re really not.

You can even use other texts to help get your ex back. These you need to know inside and out before you send them however, because not texting your ex the right thing can have big consequences that negatively affect your ability to look positive and favorable in their eyes.

Ultimately, how you handle talking to or even seeing your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend is up to you. It eventually boils down to how much you want to include them in your life, or whether you’re trying to cut them loose altogether. Each way, contact should be something you’re careful with. You’ve been hurt once, and you don’t want to get hurt again.

There are 6 Individual Steps necessary to Get Back With Your Ex Girlfriend, so find out what they are!

And for women trying to fix a breakup? Check out the same 6 steps with a slightly different perspective at How to Get Your Boyfriend Back.

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