Going through a breakup is confusing. Sometimes a guy will ask to stay friends with you afterward, but not really mean it. But other guys will actually want to keep in contact with you, and expect you to stay in touch with them as well.
If this is the scenario you’re going through, it’s usually a good sign. Because when you’ve had a close relationship with somebody, it’s not always easy to sever every last attachment… especially in the case where your ex boyfriend still hasn’t fully resolved his feelings for you.
Being friends with your ex might seem like a great idea. In reality though, there’s a good chance of you getting hurt.
Sure, you’ll still get to keep in touch with and even see your ex. But as he starts doing new things (without you) and eventually begins dating other people? Your heart will break twice as hard because you’ll have to watch the whole thing from a front-row seat… as his “good friend”.
By the same token, think about when you possibly meet someone else. Think your new guy is going to be cool with you staying in touch and constantly contacting your ex boyfriend?
Of course not. There will be jealousy, there will be envy, and there will be fights over the whole thing.
Being Friends With Your Ex to Get Him Back
A lot of women think that by staying friendly with an ex boyfriend, they’re maximizing their chances of getting back together. As if always being around, in plain sight, and keeping up communication with their ex will suddenly make him realize he still loves you.
The reality is that just the opposite will happen.
First of all, you’re giving your ex boyfriend all the things that he needs from you. Love, attention, friendship… and probably even sex. Lots of exes that hang out together end up sleeping together in a type of friends-with-benefits arrangement. And while that’s fine if you have no romantic attachments, it’s going to break your heart if you still love your exboyfriend and want him back.
In this scenario, your ex never feels compelled to ask you to be his girlfriend again. Why? Because has has everything already. You’ve made him comfortable. You’ve made him content. And you’ve done this all without the added pressure of being girlfriend/boyfriend; he doesn’t really have to answer to you about anything because he’s not truly your boyfriend.
The Good Thing About Your Ex Wanting to Be Friends
Now there’s still a silver lining here. Because if your boyfriend asked to remain friends even after dumping you, it’s because he still isn’t ready to let you go.
To him, it would be better if you were waiting around, just in CASE he decides he wants you back. And many girls are okay with this, hanging in the wings while their exboyfriends go out and do whatever they want to do, including dating other people, and are still willing to eventually take them back.
But if you don’t WANT your ex to date anyone else? If you actually want him back now instead of later? Well, then that’s easy. You have to refuse to be friends with him.
“Listen, I love you… but I can’t be friends with you. Friendship isn’t what I want from you, so I think it would be better if we both just went our separate ways.”
This is just one of four different counter-rejection techniques you need to learn if you want to get your boyfriend back. Rather than going along with what your boyfriend wants (and expects) from you, you’re pushing him out of his comfort zone by going in the opposite direction.
See, your boyfriend doesn’t want to lose you completely. Not now. Not all at once. He expected to let go of you gradually, so that it didn’t bother him as much. Kind of like peeling a Band-Aid off slowly rather than quickly, to minimize the pain.
And of course, as we all know, that never works. So what you’re doing here is telling him “hey, I’m not going to wait around for you while you do that”. This forces your ex to make hard choices about losing you for good. Which is something he never has to do if you’re sitting there smiling back at him from a role of “friendship”.
In the end, don’t settle for just being friends. Not if what you REALLY want is your boyfriend back. The road to reconciliation doesn’t lead through friendship. It’s an entirely different path you need to take that will rebuild your relationship rather than forge some kind of pseudo one-sided friendship.
There are 6 Individual Steps needed to get him back, so find out what they are! The sooner you get started on winning his heart, the easier it will be to call yourself his girlfriend again.Share this: