So you’re on a ‘break’… or you took ‘time off’ from the relationship. Or maybe your partner just needed ‘space’, or even ‘time to think’.
Sound familiar? That’s because your boyfriend or girlfriend is unhappy. They’re putting your relationship in a holding pattern, while you sit there doing nothing and hoping that somehow, someway, things will get miraculously better.
Are you all ready to do that?
Of course not.
Because right here, right now, I’m going to show you how to stop and reverse your breakup. And make no mistake about it, that’s exactly what this is; a breakup just waiting to be finalized, and through no fault or control of your own.
Putting any relationship on the back burner is always a bad idea. That’s because ‘taking time off’ is usually the first step toward a much larger and more permanent problem; breaking up for good.
Why Does My Lover Want to Take a Break?
Whatever vague, bullshit reason your boyfriend or girlfriend gave you for needing a break, the first thing you should acknowledge is how lame it is. No one needs “space” from someone they love to the point of excluding them from their lives. Nobody needs to “work on themselves for a while” unless they’re training for the Olympics, and for God’s sake nobody needs time apart “to see just how much we really love each other” when that time could be spent, oh, I don’t know, actually trying to love each other.
The fact is, your partner wants something entirely different. Let me translate it for you:
“Hey, listen. I was thinking of seeing other people. Or maybe even trying to date other people, and you know, see if that works out for me”.
“But just in case it doesn’t? I’d like you to still be around waiting for me.
So let’s call it a ‘break’ instead of a ‘breakup”.
“Of course this means I get to do whatever the hell I want, and you get to sit here and wait for me under the guise of ‘I need some space’.”
In other words: “Don’t call me, I’ll call you.”
Obviously, none of this is fair. Your partner is exploiting his or her sense of power. They realize that you want or need them just a little bit more than they need you, and they’re using that little fact to test the boundaries of your relationship.
Most people, unfortunately, go along with the break. They see no alternative because they’re too afraid of losing their lover for good. This might be where you are now, having lowered your head and agreed to whatever obscure terms your now exboyfriend or exgirlfriend laid out when they semi-dumped you. You hope they’ll come to their senses and return, but in the back of your mind you’re terrified that they won’t.
What to Do When You’re ‘On a Break’
Oddly enough, rocking the boat is exactly what you need to do if you want any chance of being with this person again. Going along with the break will almost certainly lead to the end of your relationship, because even if this person does come back they’re only going to abuse their sense of power again and again until the two of you finally break up.
A relationship should be EQUAL. The love you give should be the same as the love you receive. The best partnerships are built on trust and respect, not on forced commitment and the constant fear of being left alone.
So what should you do when your boyfriend or girlfriend wants ‘time apart’ or ‘space’ or some other nonsense? Easy. You walk in the opposite direction.
Rather than meekly going along with whatever vague terms are set as far as hanging out, contacting them, etc… you smirk back at your boyfriend or girlfriend and say:
“Yeah… thanks but no thanks. I stopped doing the whole
‘we’re on a break’ thing back in the 7th grade.”
Sneer at it. Make fun of it. Make sure your lover realizes how stupid they ought to feel, asking you to take something as important as your relationship and relegate it to some weird limbo.
When they try to reword things or push the issue, tell them:
“If you don’t want to date me, fine. Let’s break up. We can both do our own thing and both go off and see other people. But I’m sure as hell not
doing this ‘take time apart’ crap.”
Say this, and you’ll find your lover picking his or her jaw up off the floor. Why? Because it’s totally not what they expected. You’re doing the exact opposite of what they thought you would do, which was jumping through hoops in order to keep them.
In truth? Your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t want to break up right now. If that was their intention, they would’ve put it a lot differently. Instead, they wanted a ‘break’ because it allowed them time to test the waters. To jump on over the fence and check if the grass was really greener, with the comfort and knowledge you’d let them jump back to YOU if the grass on the other side of the fence totally sucked.
Instead, you’re telling them no. You’re telling them you won’t be there when they get back. You’re also letting them know you’re ready to ‘do your own thing’ as soon as possible, which will make your partner – who is still very attached to you – ten times more upset than anything else.
Learn the rest of these Counter-Rejection Techniques if you feel your relationship is threatened by an unwanted break. They’re are an amazing way to stop and reverse the detachment process, by forcing your boyfriend or girlfriend to completely reevaluate how they feel about you.Share this: