So you broke up… and you’re totally confused. Your ex boyfriend is sending mixed signals about how he feels, and whether or not he wants the relationship to continue. Knowing what he’s thinking is impossible. And knowing when it’s okay to move on? Well, that’s even harder.
So how do you know when he’s ready to come back? The following are 10 big signs that your ex is rethinking the breakup, and might be ready to make a move in your direction:
1. He Still Wants to Be Friends
Believe it or not, this happens out of insecurity. Your boyfriend isn’t looking for another ‘friend’. He’s looking to keep tabs on you during the breakup, just in case he wants you back.
Think of it this way: the friendship is his insurance policy. Because as long as you’re still buddies? He can talk to you, keep track of you, and even ask about your dating life. Being friends grants him all of those things, which is like an inside look into what you’re doing.
Be if he truly wanted to be broken up for good? Being friends with you would be uncomfortable for him. It simply wouldn’t be something he wants.
2. Your Ex Boyfriend is Still Texting You
Once again, this serves as an umbilical cord, connecting the two of you while your boyfriend tests out the breakup. Because if he’s still texting you even after he dumped you? There are only two main reasons for that: to keep stringing you along, and for sex.
Stringing you along isn’t malicious, by the way. He’s doing it selfishly, and because it makes him feel secure that you still want him. The more you text with each other, the more ‘normal’ things seem for him, even though you’re no longer together. Normalcy = comfort, and if there’s one thing you don’t want your ex boyfriend to be right now, it’s comfortable with the breakup.
Texting you for sex is another option. Many guys will keep you at their fingertips for whenever they’re feeling lonely, or horny, or both. Your boyfriend knows you still love him, and that you probably want him back. He knows you’ll come running if he texts you, yet after the deed is done he might have different feelings. Keep this in mind. Be careful with how you handle such contact, because you don’t want to get hurt.
3. He’s Still Following You on Social Media
This is a big one these days. A guy who’s totally done with dating you will want to eradicate all trace of you as soon as possible, and he’ll do that by unfollowing you and unfriending you on every one of his accounts.
Moreover, he’ll do this for another reason: he doesn’t want to see what you might be doing. Seeing you dating someone else could be hurtful, or to be honest, maybe he simply doesn’t care anymore. Losing you as a Facebook friend or Instagram follower means nothing in this case, so he’ll simplify his life by cutting you off.
So yes, if he’s still following you? It could be a sign he wants you back. At the very least, it’s definitely a sign of interest. So be very careful about what you put on your social media accounts, and no matter what you do, never look as if you’re needy.
In most cases, you can even use social media to get your boyfriend back. There are lots of tips and tricks to try out in that link, so make sure you learn what they are!
4. Your Ex is Asking Your Friends About You
When your exboyfriend is getting ready to come back to you, he’ll send out certain feelers. One of the bigger ones? He’ll want to know how your friends feel about the two of you, and also, how you’re doing without him.
If an ex starts asking around for you, it’s crucial your friends know what to say. Telling him you’ve been lonely and miss him is a HUGE mistake! Even if you are lonely and do miss your ex, the last thing you want to do is let him know it. It’s always best for your ex to think you’re doing better without him than with him, which will make him feel like the loser of the breakup and create an actual NEED to have you in his life again.
5. Your Ex Boyfriend is Talking About the Past
Nostalgia is a powerful motivator. During a breakup – any breakup, no matter who you are – you’ll replay certain aspects of the relationship in your mind. Over and over you’ll go over the good times; the trips you took, the great memories you made, the best sex you had… all of those things become glorified and promoted as the best aspects of dating YOU.
Now, if an ex sees more bad times than good? He’s not going to talk about the past. In fact he’s going to avoid speaking about it entirely. So if he’s speaking about your past, especially in fond terms? It’s a tremendous sign he might be ready to give things a second shot.
6. Your Ex Calls You Out of the Blue
Ever get that phone call or text message? It might be something heartfelt, such as “I was thinking about you” or “I was missing you today”, or it might be as simple as the word “Hey”. The truth however, is that your ex is obviously thinking about you. He got caught up in a moment of weakness, and he went out on a limb to put the ball in your court.
Whenever your ex contacts you from out of the clear blue sky it’s one of the biggest signs of weakness in the world. He’s definitely reconsidering the breakup, or at the very least, is trying to figure things out. This is the point where he’ll try to see you again, even if he attempts to downplay it as a casual hangout.
Make sure you know exactly what to say when your ex boyfriend calls you! If you know which topics to bring up, and which to avoid, you can advance the reconciliation process to mere days or even hours rather than wait weeks or months to see if he wants you back.
7. Your Boyfriend Wants to Exchange ‘Things’ With You
Ever break up, trade eachother’s things back, and then get a phone call weeks later? “Oh hey, I found some of your DVD’s… maybe I could swing by and drop them off?”
Well that phone call is bullshit. It’s your ex’s way of trying to physically see you, and that’s a good sign. Anything important that he needed from your place would’ve been taken care of long before now, so if it’s weeks after the breakup and he’s still trying to exchange stuff with you, it’s merely a smokescreen for trying to see you again.
8. Your Ex Wants to Meet Up with You
This is it. The big one. Your boyfriend broke up with you, told you to go your own way, and now for some reason or another, he wants to see you again.
It doesn’t matter what reason he gives. It could sound legitimate, or it could be totally lame. The best thing to do is accept it for what it is, and allow him to pick a time and place. The worst thing to do would be to interrogate him with “What? Why? What do you want to say to me?” because this will embarrass him and turn him off to the whole thing.
When you DO go to see your ex for the first time after the breakup, you should know exactly how to handle it. Read this complete guide on how to handle the reunion date in such a way it’ll make your ex boyfriend want to see you again and again and again.
9. Your Ex Wants to Have Sex With You
Yup. It happens all the time, and especially if you’ve both been lonely. Sex with your ex might seem like a good idea, and it’s certainly something you’ll want, but in the long run, you need to be careful with how much, ummm… physical ‘access’ you give to your ex boyfriend.
There are times when having sex with an ex is okay. But if you want him back as a boyfriend again? You’ll need to manipulate the situation down some constructive avenues before any of the clothes come flying off.
Learn exactly when it’s okay to sleep with him, and when it’s better to withhold physical contact. Sex should never be used as a weapon, but you also can’t use it as a reward or lure to falsely win him back.
10. Your Ex Boyfriend Stays Connected with Your Family or Friends
Someone who’s looking to break ties with you is going to break them all. He’ll stop calling, texting, emailing… he’ll drop you on Facebook or Instagram, etc.. etc… etc…
That said, an ex boyfriend will have to leave your friends and family alone as well, especially if he wants to move on. So even if he’s close with your friends, or best pals with your brother? Steering clear of these people is always a sign that your ex doesn’t see himself having any kind of future with you.
The opposite, of course, is always true: an ex who keeps in touch with the closest people in your life is an ex who isn’t ready to lose you entirely. Every tiny piece of contact or commitment that he can keep going is just one more thread tying him to you, and in the long run, makes it just that much easier to re-insert himself in your life again.