Tag Archives: communication

3 Things to Say (and NOT Say) When Talking to Your EX

Nervous around your ex? Not sure how to talk to them?

talking-to-your-ex

Not knowing what to say – and how to act – around your ex boyfriend or girlfriend is a very common thing. And if you’re still trying to repair your broken relationship? It’s especially critical that you know EXACTLY what to say (and not say!)

Think about how awkward this is. One minute you’re totally in love and able to say or do anything to each other… and the next minute it’s totally hands off. You go from being lovers to being nothing. You go from being best friends to being nothing more than casual acquaintances.

In some cases you might even be avoiding your ex because you don’t know how to act around them. And this can lead to even more awkwardness. More distance between you.

First, understand that your ex boyfriend or girlfriend is just as uncomfortable as you are. Stop putting them up on some pedestal where they’re in total control and you’re nothing but an emotional wreck. Do that, and you will be nothing but an emotional wreck, because you’re psyching yourself out before you even get started.

To win back the respect – and ultimately the love – of your ex, you’ll need to do one thing: make yourself desirable again in their eyes. Because at one time? They were head-over-heels ready to date you. And now they’re not.

You do this by maintaining CONTROL. I can’t express this enough: if you give control over to your former boyfriend or girlfriend, then they – and they alone – are the one who’s responsible for whether or not you get back together again.

Be Sure to Hype Yourself Up

When seeing your ex again for the first time, you should seem absolutely excited. No, not excited to see them. Excited for your life in general.

The more fun you seem to be having, the more jealous your boyfriend or girlfriend will be of you. That’s because it’s human nature to want to see you NOT having fun without them.

Making sure you’re totally pumped and doing great and having a kickass time WITHOUT THEM is the perfect way to set your ex on his or her back foot. Right off the bat they’ll feel uncomfortable – especially if they’re the one who initiated the breakup – simply because you seem to be doing so well without them.

Talk About What You’re Doing – But Be Mysterious

Chances are your ex will ask you how you’re doing, what you’ve been up to, etc… That’s normal. But what your ex is really doing is trying to gauge just how much you really miss them.

Your former boyfriend or girlfriend wants to see you upset, mopey, distraught… so make sure you talk about all the cool things you’ve been up to, even if you have to embellish a bit. Go places and do things that are fun to talk about, so the next time you see or talk to or even text-message with your ex, you can mention these things to make them jealous.

At the same time however, never give them too much information. The more details that are left out, the more that’s left to your ex’s imagination. Remember: you want to create longing and desire again. You need to be cool, fun, hip and mysterious. They should want to know more about you, which will lead them to want you again.

Tell Your Ex it’s Good to See Them Again

Most people avoid their exes like the plague after a breakup. And when they do see them? They avoid eye contact and try not to converse at all.

To win back this person’s admiration and respect, you need to face up to them. Smile. Laugh. Put your hand on their shoulder and tell them it’s good to see them again. And then?

Walk away.

To make someone need you back in their life, you have to create a void where they used to be. By going away – even if it’s by not answering the phone or text-messages – you’re creating a giant gap in this person’s life where they’re used to hearing from you.

Believe it or not, your ex relies on you, even after the breakup. By taking away that safety net, you’re causing them to doubt their decision to break up with you in the first place — especially if you’re smiling and saying “hey, how are you?” when you see them rather than avoid eye contact and slink away.

Three Things NOT to Say to Your Ex

In talking with your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend, there are 7 common mistakes that will always drive them away. LEARN WHAT THESE ARE! Because if you commit more than two or three of them, you might as well not even try to win them back at all.

That said, there are three things to NEVER do when talking about things with your ex:

• DON’T BE MISERABLE. Your ex won’t feel pity for you. In fact, seeing you miserable is the one thing that will make them realize they did the right thing in breaking up. And that’s because it certainly seems like you need them a lot more than they need you.

• DON’T TALK ABOUT THE BREAK. Nothing says desperation like constantly bringing up the breakup. Whether you’re trying to reverse the breakup or play the blame game, you can’t gain any ground this way.

• DON’T APOLOGIZE. Yes, even if you’re the one who was wrong! Apologizing once again ratifies that your ex is right and you’re wrong. Which makes staying broken up a forgone conclusion!

If you want to learn the complete, step by step process to getting back together, make sure you read it through completely before trying anything. That’s because usually? You only get one good shot at a reconciliation. One good “listen” on your ex’s part.

Everything after that is an uphill climb.

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Contacting Your Ex Boyfriend – When and How to Do It

Breaking up is about being apart. This makes you miss each other, but it also creates huge gaps between you that can make future contact pretty awkward.

Anthony Malibu - When and How to Contact Your Ex

Very often you won’t know when or how to get back in touch with your ex. Maybe you’ve even tried, and your attempts at keeping in touch have been met with resistance.

If your boyfriend is cold or callous when he talks to you, it can be emotionally devastating. It can make you feel like there’s no more hope; as if he’s moved on already, and there’s nothing more you can do.

At the same time, you’ll feel like not contacting him is even worse. You’ll feel him slipping away, as if he’ll forget about you more and more as each day goes by without talking, texting, or seeing him.

There’s a 6 Step-Process to Get Back With an Ex. One of those steps is the NO CONTACT phase, where you pull away from your ex long enough to make him miss you, need you, and eagerly want to hear from you again.

But when it’s time to get back in touch? There are a variety of ways you can make contact with your ex boyfriend again. Here are just a few of them:

Facebook or Instagram Contact

Of all the ways to reopen the lines of communication, this one is rock bottom. You really want to avoid contacting your ex through social media if at all possible, because it’s one of the most impersonal ways of reconnecting.

Essentially, you’re reaching here, and desperately so. Worse, your boyfriend can easily ignore this attempt at contacting him by simply doing nothing. This will leave you wondering if he even got your message at all.

Texting Your Ex After the Breakup

Again this is impersonal, and because you sent thousands of text-messages to each other over the course of your relationship, this will get lost in a sea of ‘whatever’. Texting your ex when you haven’t seen or talked to him in a long while is a huge copout. You’re showing your insecurity and lack of confidence; you’re sweating him so much you can’t even carry on a conversation with this guy. So why the hell would he want to date you?

Now if your ex texts you, you’ll need to know EXACTLY how to respond. In that case, check out this video on what to text your exboyfriend when he does reach out to you.

Emailing Your Ex Boyfriend

Marginally better than texting, this is still not the best idea. The bad news is he can ignore the email as if he never got it, leaving you in total limbo. The good news however, is that you get to craft a longer message. You aren’t limited to a certain number of words or characters, like on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. You can really pour your heart out here. But should you?

Remember, when getting back in touch after a breakup you always want first contact to be short. You need to get in quick, keep things light and positive, and get out of the conversation on your own terms.

Here’s a complete guide on what to say when you make first contact with your ex boyfriend. Also included here, and even more important? What NOT to say to him if you still want him back!

Calling Your ExBoyfriend on the Phone

Here’s where you really up the ante on winning him back. Because until you’re willing to actually talk to your boyfriend, in a real live conversation? He’s never going to take your attempts at reconciliation seriously.

Up until you call him, he’ll see your texts and emails as signs of interest. He may be flattered by these things, but for the most part he’ll brush them off. In short, you’re giving up control. And you don’t have very much control to begin with, if he was the one who initiated the breakup.

There are certain times that are optimal for calling or contacting your ex. Know what these are, because when it comes to making him receptive to taking you back? Timing is everything.

Physically Seeing or Running Into Your Ex

There are two approaches to seeing your exboyfriend here. One is to just flat out show up and talk to him. And this one is risky.

Again, you don’t want to force your boyfriend into anything unwanted. He needs to NEED to hear from you again, or even see you, before you start making any moves. This requires him missing you first, so you must go through the no contact portion of the breakup reversal process. All of the steps are vital, and you can’t skip anything.

The second approach is to ‘accidentally’ show up somewhere your ex is going to be. This could require some reconnaissance (through friends, family, or even social media) but you absolutely must not let him know that you intentionally came to see him. This would look desperate, and if he smells that desperation it’s something that will immediately set you back to square ONE.

How Can I Get My Ex to Call Me?

Great question, I’m glad you asked it. Because as difficult as it is to initiate contact with someone who dumped you, the whole situation becomes MUCH easier when your boyfriend is the one who actually calls you.

There are several ways to accomplish this, and not all of them will fit your own particular breakup scenario. Read up on them and learn which one might be right for you. Then go for it, but only after you’ve gone NO CONTACT for the required period of time.

Ultimately contact is necessary for ANY reconciliation. Never be afraid of it. Never be too timid, or laid back, and fearful to make some moves of your own. Your boyfriend isn’t going to wait forever, and neither are the girls who might already be getting in line to date him.

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