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Contacting Your Ex Boyfriend – When and How to Do It

Breaking up is about being apart. This makes you miss each other, but it also creates huge gaps between you that can make future contact pretty awkward.

Anthony Malibu - When and How to Contact Your Ex

Very often you won’t know when or how to get back in touch with your ex. Maybe you’ve even tried, and your attempts at keeping in touch have been met with resistance.

If your boyfriend is cold or callous when he talks to you, it can be emotionally devastating. It can make you feel like there’s no more hope; as if he’s moved on already, and there’s nothing more you can do.

At the same time, you’ll feel like not contacting him is even worse. You’ll feel him slipping away, as if he’ll forget about you more and more as each day goes by without talking, texting, or seeing him.

There’s a 6 Step-Process to Get Back With an Ex. One of those steps is the NO CONTACT phase, where you pull away from your ex long enough to make him miss you, need you, and eagerly want to hear from you again.

But when it’s time to get back in touch? There are a variety of ways you can make contact with your ex boyfriend again. Here are just a few of them:

Facebook or Instagram Contact

Of all the ways to reopen the lines of communication, this one is rock bottom. You really want to avoid contacting your ex through social media if at all possible, because it’s one of the most impersonal ways of reconnecting.

Essentially, you’re reaching here, and desperately so. Worse, your boyfriend can easily ignore this attempt at contacting him by simply doing nothing. This will leave you wondering if he even got your message at all.

Texting Your Ex After the Breakup

Again this is impersonal, and because you sent thousands of text-messages to each other over the course of your relationship, this will get lost in a sea of ‘whatever’. Texting your ex when you haven’t seen or talked to him in a long while is a huge copout. You’re showing your insecurity and lack of confidence; you’re sweating him so much you can’t even carry on a conversation with this guy. So why the hell would he want to date you?

Now if your ex texts you, you’ll need to know EXACTLY how to respond. In that case, check out this video on what to text your exboyfriend when he does reach out to you.

Emailing Your Ex Boyfriend

Marginally better than texting, this is still not the best idea. The bad news is he can ignore the email as if he never got it, leaving you in total limbo. The good news however, is that you get to craft a longer message. You aren’t limited to a certain number of words or characters, like on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. You can really pour your heart out here. But should you?

Remember, when getting back in touch after a breakup you always want first contact to be short. You need to get in quick, keep things light and positive, and get out of the conversation on your own terms.

Here’s a complete guide on what to say when you make first contact with your ex boyfriend. Also included here, and even more important? What NOT to say to him if you still want him back!

Calling Your ExBoyfriend on the Phone

Here’s where you really up the ante on winning him back. Because until you’re willing to actually talk to your boyfriend, in a real live conversation? He’s never going to take your attempts at reconciliation seriously.

Up until you call him, he’ll see your texts and emails as signs of interest. He may be flattered by these things, but for the most part he’ll brush them off. In short, you’re giving up control. And you don’t have very much control to begin with, if he was the one who initiated the breakup.

There are certain times that are optimal for calling or contacting your ex. Know what these are, because when it comes to making him receptive to taking you back? Timing is everything.

Physically Seeing or Running Into Your Ex

There are two approaches to seeing your exboyfriend here. One is to just flat out show up and talk to him. And this one is risky.

Again, you don’t want to force your boyfriend into anything unwanted. He needs to NEED to hear from you again, or even see you, before you start making any moves. This requires him missing you first, so you must go through the no contact portion of the breakup reversal process. All of the steps are vital, and you can’t skip anything.

The second approach is to ‘accidentally’ show up somewhere your ex is going to be. This could require some reconnaissance (through friends, family, or even social media) but you absolutely must not let him know that you intentionally came to see him. This would look desperate, and if he smells that desperation it’s something that will immediately set you back to square ONE.

How Can I Get My Ex to Call Me?

Great question, I’m glad you asked it. Because as difficult as it is to initiate contact with someone who dumped you, the whole situation becomes MUCH easier when your boyfriend is the one who actually calls you.

There are several ways to accomplish this, and not all of them will fit your own particular breakup scenario. Read up on them and learn which one might be right for you. Then go for it, but only after you’ve gone NO CONTACT for the required period of time.

Ultimately contact is necessary for ANY reconciliation. Never be afraid of it. Never be too timid, or laid back, and fearful to make some moves of your own. Your boyfriend isn’t going to wait forever, and neither are the girls who might already be getting in line to date him.

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What Does it Mean When My Ex Drunk Dials Me?

It comes when you least expect it… Midnight. 2am. You pick up the phone and there’s your ex, talking as loudly and obnoxiously as if it’s 2 O’Clock in the afternoon.

Drunk dialing is one of the bigger faux pas you can encounter. But after a breakup? Well, when your ex calls you up it’s not only because he or she is totally inebriated.

Anthony Malibu - Ex Drunk Dialed Me

Often, a drunk phone call actually means something.

In some cases, it even means a lot.

Look, in the everyday world your ex is strong. He or she broke up with you, and intends on going their own way. But after a few drinks (or a lot of drinks), suddenly the inhibitions are lowered. Obstacles disappear.

What might seem like a really bad idea when sober becomes an awesome idea when your ex is drunk. And why?

Well, because your ex still has feelings for you in one way or another. Because he or she could’ve called anyone in their entire phone – in the entire world even – but in that exact moment of vulnerability and weakness your ex actually called YOU.

Why Alcohol is Usually the Best Truth Serum

Alcohol makes people crazy, happy, silly, stupid, violent, and a whole bunch of other things, depending upon the person. But the one thing it does universally, to everyone, is bring out the truth.

So if your ex managed to call or text you at their weakest moment? It’s almost always an indication that they still love you, or still need you in some way.

In some cases, your ex might even want you back. They could be working up the courage to tell you this, or even to admit it to themselves. But once under the influence of alcohol? Their feelings become a lot more obvious as their inhibitions melt away.

Face it, every relationship – no matter how it ended – leaves residual feelings behind. Whatever emotional bonds the two of you shared don’t just disappear the second you break up.

In fact, very often? These feelings are buried. If you want your ex back, it’s up to you to unbury them… or even better, get your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to unbury those feelings themselves.

Buttons You Can Push to Expose Your Ex’s Feelings

There are three major emotional reconnection techniques you can utilize when you want to fix your breakup. These are designed to instantly stop your ex from thinking bad things about you, and help them remember the good.

Once you master how to push these emotional hot buttons, you gain quick control over how your ex views you. Essentially, you can change their mind without them even knowing that you changed it. Almost like the Jedi Mind trick, but with a little less Force.

Understanding exactly how to tug on your ex’s heartstrings is more of an art than anything else. You can’t pull too hard, or you run the risk of scaring them away. But you also can’t sit back and do nothing, because eventually those feelings will fade.

What to Do When Your Ex Drunk Dials You

The very best thing to do when you get that drunken phone call is try to be understanding about it. Don’t get grumpy, or bitter, or launch into a lecture… these things will only make you come off like a jerk. Your ex will remember you being an asshole to them, and that’s pretty much all they’ll remember.

Instead, be cool. Realize this is something that can happen to all of us. If you’re still in love with this person, let them talk. See if you can read some of the bigger signs that your ex still loves you, or at least, still has feelings.

Whatever you do, don’t push. You can’t get answers right now, and even if you could, you wouldn’t want them. This isn’t the time for serious conversation, but if you still want this person in your life it’s a good time to have a fun conversation, laugh a bit, and maybe even bring up some of the cooler moments of your past relationship. Because when your ex wakes up? THAT’S what he or she will remember.

In the end, drunk dialing is always a sign of interest. You should be flattered, not pissed. You should see it as a compliment, even if it cost you some sleep. And in the grand scheme of things? This type of phone call can put you one step closer to reconciliation.

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