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6 Huge Mistakes Everyone Makes Right After a Breakup

If you’re trying to reverse or fix your breakup, the most crucial time is the beginning. This is when most people – guys and girls – make the biggest and most devastating of mistakes while trying to “fight for the relationship”.

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These mistakes can sabotage your future. They often destroy any chance of getting back together, depending on which of them you make and how badly you botch them.

For this reason, you need to make sure you know what you’re doing. Acting out just for the sake of ‘doing something’ might be tempting, especially because it’s hard to sit still, but you need to realize that immediately after a breakup? Doing the wrong thing is ten times worse than doing nothing at all.

Below is a list of 6 big mistakes people make immediately after getting dumped. Some are bad, others are worse, but ALL of them are avoidable if you’re willing to exercise a little self-control.

And if you’ve already made some of these errors? Well, things might be bad but they can always improve. Halting these behaviors and actually turning your ex around can have a positive effect on how your former boyfriend or girlfriend sees you. And this, in turn, can lead to a reconciliation… if you play your cards right.

Resisting the Breakup

This is the first mistake people make, and it starts off a long, slippery slope of losing control. Fighting “for” the relationship, as if you could actually change your ex’s mind right now, is only going to push your boyfriend or girlfriend even further away.

Every breakup has the same goal: you need to show your ex that he or she was wrong. That breaking up isn’t really what they want, and that it’s better to be with you.

So when you fight and rage (and cry and scream) against the breakup? You’re essentially showing your ex that they were right. All of a sudden you look desperate, which in turn makes your ex say “Wow… this person needs me a LOT more than I need them. How come I never saw this before?”

From there, your ex’s mind is made up. Leaving you was the right move, for obvious reasons. I mean, just look at you, still in denial. Surely they could do better?

Sulking, Pouting, or Getting Angry

There are many emotional stages of a breakup, and they line up pretty well with the well-known stages of grief. But to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend? These behaviors can make or break how they look at you as a person – and a potential partner – later on.

Your first instinct will be to grieve. You’ll sulk and get all depressed about the loss. You’ll also think that your ex will actually care for your feelings… almost like you can guilt them into coming back because you look so forlorn and glum. Reality however, is different. Because the more you pout, the more depressed you seem? The more LAME your boyfriend or girlfriend will consider your actions.

Anger is another bad move. Some people, especially guys, will get angry and lash out after being dumped. This is where you’ll say things you don’t mean; things you can’t take back later on. If you want to someday date this person again, you’ll need to avoid being angry about the breakup.

Being Needy and Desperate Toward Your Ex

Did you beg your ex to reconsider? Plead with them not to let go of “a good thing”?

Did you promise to change? Demand to know why this person broke up with you? (Hint: they’ll never fully tell you the exact reason, unless you’re willing to make this opening move)

Afterwards, did you stalk your ex on Facebook? Constantly check their Instagram? Did you send tons of text-messages to your former boyfriend or girlfriend, but only got a few (if any) of them answered?

If you did any of the above things, you pretty much shot yourself in the foot. Already you’ve come off as needy and desperate. This is a HUGE turnoff as far as your ex is concerned. The confident, fun, secure person they fell in love with is now this clingy, whiny, crying mess.

NO ONE wants to date someone like that. So the longer you do this stuff? The further you get from making your ex want you back (and the creepier it is overall).

Making Unwanted Contact

Nothing will shove your ex in the opposite direction more than unwanted contact. And yes, this means ALL manner of communication you can have with your ex, no matter how ‘innocent’ or purely platonic/friendly you think that contact might be.

Look at it this way – to get your ex back, they first need to MISS you. And they can’t possibly miss you if you’re calling, texting, emailing, Facebooking, Instagramming, and basically stalking them day and night. Even worse, the more you do these things? The more your ex gets annoyed with you. Turned off by you.

The more you do these things, the less VALUE you have in your boyfriend or girlfriend’s eyes.

What you need to do is contact your ex at the RIGHT time. It has to happen at a natural point in the breakup, where contact will be welcome and they’ll actually be happy to hear from you again.

Learn lots more about how and when to contact your ex here.

Not Using Nostalgia Tactics to Get Your Ex Back

The good news about breaking up is that you have a distinct advantage when it comes to winning your partner back. And that’s because you share a pretty important, very well-remembered past history together.

The past is something that always changes. As time goes on, your ex will tend to forget the bad things (i.e. the fighting, arguing, jealousy, etc…) and remember only the good ones. Those first awesome memories – the ones you yourself cherish? Those are the same memories your ex also enjoys going back to time and time again.

These memories can help your ex change his or her mind about losing you for good, if you’re willing to use these reconnection techniques during your reconciliation process. Read up on them carefully, because for best results they MUST be used correctly and at exactly the right time.

In total there are actually 12 deadly mistakes you can make after breaking up. And some of them are instant relationship-killers, so be especially wary of those.

Learn what the other six errors are, and be sure you’re not committing any of them before going on.

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Why Does My Ex Keep Sending Mixed Signals?

So they broke up with you… then they call you. They tell you to leave them alone, then you get a late-night text message from them…

What gives? Is your ex just doing all this to torture you, or do they really have some kind of unknown agenda in mind?

Ex Sending Mixed Signals

Mixed signals are some of the hardest things to figure out when dealing with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend. The hot-and-cold nature of speaking to someone who isn’t sure of what they want can be confusing and infuriating, not to mention the roller-coaster ride of hope and hopelessness you’re forced to go on when your ex keeps stringing you along.

The first thing to understand here is that your boyfriend or girlfriend is also going through a breakup. Just because he or she seemed sure about ending things doesn’t mean they aren’t experiencing many of the same things you are.

Heartbreak, loneliness – these things are running through your ex’s mind too. Since they’re the ones who decided to break up, the decision still weighs heavily on them, and usually for some time afterward. Even if your ex started seeing someone new, there will always be lingering emotional ties. And some of these ties will be so strong, that they feel compelled to get in touch with you, or even ask to see you again.

How to Handle it When Your Ex Calls or Texts

Any contact from your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend is almost universally a sign of interest. Unless they’re getting back in touch to pick up something they left at your place (and even sometimes then), they’re contacting you because they have a NEED for such contact. This need is fulfilled the minute you pick up the phone or text them back, so you should be very careful with how you respond. If you’re not in agreement with the breakup and really want them back? Answering them right away might seem a little needy or desperate on your part.

The worst thing you could do at this point is ‘chase’ your ex through these hot and cold moments. Because sometimes, all they want from you is the knowledge you’re still there. You’ll get ex boyfriends or girlfriends who give you the:

“Hi! Just wanted to make sure you’re okay with everything…”

This is basically for their benefit and not yours; your ex really doesn’t care much about how you’re doing at this point, but care more about whether or not you’re still ‘around’ in case they decide to call off the breakup. Whether you tell them you’re okay or NOT okay doesn’t matter. What matters is you answered them, and this is pretty much all they really wanted.

Another thing an ex will do is try to string you along with stuff like:

“I’ll always love you, but I’m just not in love with you.”

This is the equivalent of putting you on a shelf for later on. You’ve been Friend-Zoned. Put somewhere you have no power, yet still have to answer to your ex if they happen to need you for moral support, a dilemma, or just a shoulder to cry on.

Allow yourself to be put on this shelf, and you’re effectively ending any chance you might have of being with this person again. Because whenever you play the “I’ll be there for you” game, you’re only going to be there when HE or SHE needs you, and not when you need something from them.

Texting Your Ex – What to Do After the Breakup

There are a lot of texts that happen after relationships end, and you should know how to respond to them. Some texts might come off as innocent, but in reality they’re really not.

You can even use other texts to help get your ex back. These you need to know inside and out before you send them however, because not texting your ex the right thing can have big consequences that negatively affect your ability to look positive and favorable in their eyes.

Ultimately, how you handle talking to or even seeing your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend is up to you. It eventually boils down to how much you want to include them in your life, or whether you’re trying to cut them loose altogether. Each way, contact should be something you’re careful with. You’ve been hurt once, and you don’t want to get hurt again.

There are 6 Individual Steps necessary to Get Back With Your Ex Girlfriend, so find out what they are!

And for women trying to fix a breakup? Check out the same 6 steps with a slightly different perspective at How to Get Your Boyfriend Back.

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Why is Your Ex Still Texting You After the Breakup?

Text-messaging… it’s a huge part of our daily lives. And when it comes to dating, it’s an equally large part of the communication between a boyfriend and a girlfriend.

During your relationship you probably sent tens of thousands of texts back and forth to your lover. Little ones. Big long ones. Smiley emoticons and heavy sexting and everything in between.

Ex Still Texting You After The Breakup?

So when your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you, did you really expect it would all end? Did you think your ex would delete your number from his or her phone, and that would be it?

In reality, a lot of communication and text-messaging goes on these days POST-breakup. And that’s not just out of habit. Because if your ex is still texting you even after they’ve dumped you? If they’re still hammering out messages just for the sake of keeping in touch with you?

It’s a sure sign of only one thing:

Your ex still has some level of feelings for you.

Think about it for a second. If your ex really wanted out, they’re already gone. They don’t have to text you. They don’t have to keep in touch. And yes, I know they’re doing it under the guise of “we’re still friends” or the dreaded “I just wanted to see how you’re doing”, but truth be told, this person is keeping those lines of communication open for some very simple and selfish reasons: they don’t want you going anywhere just yet.

No, if your ex still texts after dumping you it’s because they’re not 100% sure. They could be 70, 80, 90% sure… but that lingering doubt is what’s keeping them from cutting you loose and deleting your contact information from their phone altogether.

What to Do if Your Ex is Still Texting You

If you’re trying to get back together but your ex won’t budge, it’s still a great sign you’re getting these messages. Even better, you can USE these messages as a tool to not only draw them closer again, but to actually get them to want you back.

First, check out this crazy but cool video on EXACTLY what to do when you start receiving texts from an exboyfriend or exgirlfriend. It’ll teach you pretty much everything you need to know about sending and receiving text-based communication after your relationship has already ended.

Next, understand that TOO much communication at this point is bad. This is because your ex is relying on these texts to still get their “fix” of you. By entertaining entire conversations with them, you’re giving them exactly what they want. Moreover, exactly what they need to keep themselves level-headed and going forward with the breakup.

Your goal here should be to make your ex MISS you. You’ll want them to need to hear from you – to actually crave all the cute little conversations and back-and-forth stuff you used to do each night, every morning, and all throughout the day.

Other Signs Your Ex Still Might Love and Need You

And remember, text-messaging is only one of the bigger red flags that your former boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t yet over the relationship. There are lots of other signs too, and knowing what these are can really help nail the correct timing of the 6-step reconciliation process.

Ultimately, any time your ex wants to stay in touch it’s an indication of general interest. In all cases, play it cool. Don’t chase. If you let your ex initiate most of the conversations, the balance of power will shift slowly back in your favor. You never want to feel as if your communication is unwanted. If you find yourself asking the question “do I text him/her too much?” the answer is already ‘yes’.

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