If you’re trying to reverse or fix your breakup, the most crucial time is the beginning. This is when most people – guys and girls – make the biggest and most devastating of mistakes while trying to “fight for the relationship”.
These mistakes can sabotage your future. They often destroy any chance of getting back together, depending on which of them you make and how badly you botch them.
For this reason, you need to make sure you know what you’re doing. Acting out just for the sake of ‘doing something’ might be tempting, especially because it’s hard to sit still, but you need to realize that immediately after a breakup? Doing the wrong thing is ten times worse than doing nothing at all.
Below is a list of 6 big mistakes people make immediately after getting dumped. Some are bad, others are worse, but ALL of them are avoidable if you’re willing to exercise a little self-control.
And if you’ve already made some of these errors? Well, things might be bad but they can always improve. Halting these behaviors and actually turning your ex around can have a positive effect on how your former boyfriend or girlfriend sees you. And this, in turn, can lead to a reconciliation… if you play your cards right.
This is the first mistake people make, and it starts off a long, slippery slope of losing control. Fighting “for” the relationship, as if you could actually change your ex’s mind right now, is only going to push your boyfriend or girlfriend even further away.
Every breakup has the same goal: you need to show your ex that he or she was wrong. That breaking up isn’t really what they want, and that it’s better to be with you.
So when you fight and rage (and cry and scream) against the breakup? You’re essentially showing your ex that they were right. All of a sudden you look desperate, which in turn makes your ex say “Wow… this person needs me a LOT more than I need them. How come I never saw this before?”
From there, your ex’s mind is made up. Leaving you was the right move, for obvious reasons. I mean, just look at you, still in denial. Surely they could do better?
There are many emotional stages of a breakup, and they line up pretty well with the well-known stages of grief. But to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend? These behaviors can make or break how they look at you as a person – and a potential partner – later on.
Your first instinct will be to grieve. You’ll sulk and get all depressed about the loss. You’ll also think that your ex will actually care for your feelings… almost like you can guilt them into coming back because you look so forlorn and glum. Reality however, is different. Because the more you pout, the more depressed you seem? The more LAME your boyfriend or girlfriend will consider your actions.
Anger is another bad move. Some people, especially guys, will get angry and lash out after being dumped. This is where you’ll say things you don’t mean; things you can’t take back later on. If you want to someday date this person again, you’ll need to avoid being angry about the breakup.
Being Needy and Desperate Toward Your Ex
Did you beg your ex to reconsider? Plead with them not to let go of “a good thing”?
Did you promise to change? Demand to know why this person broke up with you? (Hint: they’ll never fully tell you the exact reason, unless you’re willing to make this opening move)
Afterwards, did you stalk your ex on Facebook? Constantly check their Instagram? Did you send tons of text-messages to your former boyfriend or girlfriend, but only got a few (if any) of them answered?
If you did any of the above things, you pretty much shot yourself in the foot. Already you’ve come off as needy and desperate. This is a HUGE turnoff as far as your ex is concerned. The confident, fun, secure person they fell in love with is now this clingy, whiny, crying mess.
NO ONE wants to date someone like that. So the longer you do this stuff? The further you get from making your ex want you back (and the creepier it is overall).
Making Unwanted Contact
Nothing will shove your ex in the opposite direction more than unwanted contact. And yes, this means ALL manner of communication you can have with your ex, no matter how ‘innocent’ or purely platonic/friendly you think that contact might be.
Look at it this way – to get your ex back, they first need to MISS you. And they can’t possibly miss you if you’re calling, texting, emailing, Facebooking, Instagramming, and basically stalking them day and night. Even worse, the more you do these things? The more your ex gets annoyed with you. Turned off by you.
The more you do these things, the less VALUE you have in your boyfriend or girlfriend’s eyes.
What you need to do is contact your ex at the RIGHT time. It has to happen at a natural point in the breakup, where contact will be welcome and they’ll actually be happy to hear from you again.
Learn lots more about how and when to contact your ex here.
Not Using Nostalgia Tactics to Get Your Ex Back
The good news about breaking up is that you have a distinct advantage when it comes to winning your partner back. And that’s because you share a pretty important, very well-remembered past history together.
The past is something that always changes. As time goes on, your ex will tend to forget the bad things (i.e. the fighting, arguing, jealousy, etc…) and remember only the good ones. Those first awesome memories – the ones you yourself cherish? Those are the same memories your ex also enjoys going back to time and time again.
These memories can help your ex change his or her mind about losing you for good, if you’re willing to use these reconnection techniques during your reconciliation process. Read up on them carefully, because for best results they MUST be used correctly and at exactly the right time.
In total there are actually 12 deadly mistakes you can make after breaking up. And some of them are instant relationship-killers, so be especially wary of those.
Learn what the other six errors are, and be sure you’re not committing any of them before going on.Share this: