Breakups aren’t as cut and dry as you might think they are. Just as there are two sides to every story, there are two sides to a breakup as well.
To you, your boyfriend or girlfriend ended things abruptly. They don’t want you anymore, and they don’t want anything to do with you. The lack of communication might make things seem hopeless, as if you’ve been totally emotionally abandoned.
On your ex’s side however, things are different. While yes, they did initiate the breakup, they also had a lot more time to consider it. They started the process of letting go of you weeks, even months ago, which gives them a distinct emotional advantage over you. They’re already got used to the possibility of not continuing on with the relationship.
As a result, your ex might seem a lot colder or more distant than you really think they are toward you. This is mostly because they want to avoid you. Dealing with you right now is a tough thing for them, so don’t take it as a sign they’ve completely shed all feelings for you.
Now, when an ex leaves? They ALWAYS look back. Your boyfriend or girlfriend will inevitably glance over his or her shoulder, just to see what they left behind. And when they do? Your ex wants to see three major things:
1) Your Ex Wants to See You Miserable Without Them
Yeah, that’s right: your ex wants you to suffer. Not because they’re a bitter asshole, but because seeing you upset about losing them inflates their own ego. And the more upset you are? The more it justifies their decision. The more it makes them realize that you needed them more than they ever needed you.
This is why it’s crucial that you NOT act upset, forlorn, depressed, or any of that stuff after the breakup. Crying, pleading, “fighting for the relationship” – all that crap only cements their decision that yeah, they’re gonna be totally better off without you.
The most disconcerting thing you can do after someone dumps you? Act like nothing happened. In effect, you want to smile, say “okay”, and walk away. This creates INSTANT DOUBT on the part of your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. All of a sudden they wonder if cutting you loose was a bad idea, because obviously you didn’t need them half as much as they thought you did.
Indifference is the second-best opening move when it comes to reversing a breakup. Here’s the first one. Learn them both, because combining these two moves is going to put you in the driver’s seat later on, when it comes time to get back with your ex.
2) Your Ex Wants You to Chase Them
This one seems dead wrong, doesn’t it? Because maybe you’ve already chased your ex, and maybe they’ve already told you to go the hell away.
In truth, your ex does want you to go away… sort of. They want the freedom to tell you to piss off (because right now being around you is uncomfortable), but the comfort and security and ego-stroking happiness of knowing you’re still trying to get them back.
So the more you chase them? The more they love it. But also, the more they slip away – because chasing after your ex once he or she breaks up with you is ALWAYS a terrible idea.
3) Your Ex Wants to See You Fail
Ever walk through public and pass an ex boyfriend or girlfriend? The first thing through your mind is how they look, or sometimes more important, how the new person on their arm looks.
Without realizing it, you want that person to totally suck. You want your ex to look terrible, and for their new boyfriend or girlfriend to look like an absolute train wreck. And of course you do, because that’s just human nature.
Understand something: when you dump someone, you always want to feel as if that person would’ve been better off had they stayed with you. So when you see them thriving and doing well without you? It makes you instantly question yourself. If you broke up with them recently, it makes you want to see them… talk to them… possibly even get them back. Why? Because you just lost something of value. Something you didn’t realize was valuable until you lost it.
Applying this to your own situation, the BEST thing you can do right now is live well. Dress your best, look your best – lose weight or buy new clothes or get some new guy/girl on your arm as soon as you can. Because when your ex eventually gets wind of these things? They’re going to seriously reconsider their decision to dump you.
The 12 Biggest Mistakes You Can Make After a Breakup
More often than not, fixing your breakup is less about what you do, and more about what you DON’T do. Sometimes you can get your ex to want you back by doing absolutely nothing, simply because you won’t be making any of the more lethal, romance-killing mistakes that would drive them away.
Here’s the full list of mistakes you should absolutely avoid making if you want ANY chance at reconciliation. Study them hard, and remember that just because you may have committed two or three of them doesn’t mean you can rectify things going forward.Share this: