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6 Huge Misconceptions About Staying Friends With Your Ex

“Let’s be friends…” Sounds good, right? As if you and your ex will still be able to see each other, talk to each other, even hang out together and have some more good times?

Anthony Malibu - Stay Friends With Ex

It’s win-win for everyone, at least in your mind. The relationship is over but the contact doesn’t have to end.

The closeness you shared doesn’t have to go away, because you and your ex boyfriend or girlfriend are going to defy they odds; somehow, you’re going to make the post-breakup friendship work, even if it kills you. Right?

Yeah, right.

The sad truth of things is this: there are two possible scenarios after someone breaks up with you. One, is that you no longer want or need them in your life. And in that case, you go your separate ways.

The second scenario is where your lover breaks up with you, but you keep hanging on. Since you weren’t ready for the romance to end, you’re looking for any excuse – no matter how thin – to stay in touch and actually be with them again.

It’s for this reason that many people JUMP at the chance to “stay friends” when their ex offers it. They’re not ready to let go. They think that being friends with an ex can help get them back, or that eventually this person will realize how much they miss being your boyfriend or girlfriend, and jump back into a relationship with and date them again.

Unfortunately, it’s not even close to that easy.

Going from friends to lovers – after you’ve dated already – is mostly a fantasy. It happens in books, in movies. It happens in real life too, but the ‘lovers’ thing lasts only for one night, and afterward your ex goes back to their single life, leaving you feel used and cheated.

In short, you cannot be friends with an ex if you still love them.

PERIOD. End of story. If you’re honest with yourself and you know that you still have feelings, staying friends with this person is only going to hurt ten times as much.

And not only that… it’s going to push your ex away, too. Every breakup has a window of opportunity for reversing itself; EVERY single time someone dumps you there’s always a way back.

But when you become friends with that person? The road back into their heart becomes that much longer. It’s an uphill climb, and you’ve basically decimated your chances of making them need you again.

Below are 6 of the biggest myths involving getting back together after staying friends with your ex. By the time you’re finished reading them, you’ll understand exactly why the road back into your boyfriend or girlfriend’s heart does NOT lead through some made-up “friendship”.

Myth 1 – As Friends, You’ll Still Keep in Constant Contact

Sorry, but no. First of all, your ex dumped you for a reason. He or she no longer sees you as datable, and they’re going to be looking somewhere (and at someone) else.

So will your new ‘friend’ still call and text and email with you? Yeah, sure. For a while. But the second this person finds somebody else, or even gets interested in somebody else, that contact will drop off so fast it’ll make your head spin and your heart sink.

Also, the amount of contact will never be the same. It won’t be anywhere near the amount of texts and calls you made to each other during the relationship. As such, it’ll be a disappointment for you. You’ll wonder why your ex isn’t staying in touch as much as he or she used to, and that will make you wonder what ELSE they’re doing without you.

Myth 2 – As Friends, You and Your Ex Will Still Hang Out

Sure. Maybe. But again, nowhere NEAR as much as before.

For the most part, your ex will call you when they have nothing to do. Remember: they’re single now, and they’ve got a whole new list of things they can do without you.

This list includes seeing old friends, going places, being in groups where they can potentially meet other people… and you staying at home and watching these things from the outside. When your ex does include you in these events, you’ll watch jealously as your former boyfriend or girlfriend ends up talking to other people (and potential dates). You’ll feel awkward, having been downgraded to “just a friend”, and you won’t know where your place is.

And yes, your ex might even come over for sexual reasons. You’ll hook up, even though you’re no longer dating. The sex will be good, and you’ll have a great time, and in the back of your mind you’ll tell yourself that you can handle it. But you know what? You can’t. Because residual feelings and emotional bonds will make you want MORE than just friends with benefits.

Can sleeping with your ex help get them back? Read LOTS more about that here.

Myth 3 – Staying Friends Lets You Keep Track of Your Ex

Somewhat, yes. You’ll still be Facebook friends, you’ll still follow your ex on Instagram, and you’ll still be privy to some of the things he or she does every day.

Your ex will also call and text you. They’ll tell you about their day, get some advice from you at times, and all that other good stuff friends do. That part is true, to an extent.

But you know what? Anything your ex doesn’t want you to see will remain a mystery. Anything they think will hurt your feelings will be something they HIDE from you. And because you’re no longer dating this person, you can’t even push for details. You’re not entitled to know where your ex went anymore, or who he/she hung out with, or when they got back from the bar or club.

This will ultimately drive you crazy: the not knowing. Seeing only PART of the picture is worse than seeing nothing at all. You’ll have no power over your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend’s actions, and this will frustrate you lots more than if you didn’t know anything about their life. In that respect, being friends with an ex is worse than a standard breakup.

Myth 4 – Being Friends Will Draw You Closer Together

Another misconception is that friendship simplifies the relationship. You’re no longer dating so you no longer have to fight. No more arguing, no more petty jealousy, no more “you didn’t call or text me back…” – that stuff flies out the window, leaving behind a nice, peaceful interaction between the two of you.

To an extent this is actually true. However, understand that as the friendship goes on, your ex will ONLY see you as a friend. Eventually, that’s all you really become to them.

Why? Because you’ve made the whole thing so comfortable. You’ve created a situation that’s better than actually dating them. If your ex is enjoying most (or all) of the benefits of having you around, with none of the drawbacks or limitations of an actual relationship, why the HELL would he or she want to ever go back to dating you again? You’ve created a stress-free Utopian paradise that they’ll never really want to leave!

Myth 5 – Old Sparks Will Eventually Start Flying Again

Wrong. Mostly because being around each other is an awkward situation for the both of you.

Sorry, but this type of friendship is never TRULY a friendship. One person ‘won’ the breakup, and the other person lost it. The loser is you, which means that your boyfriend or girlfriend still holds all the cards right now. They know you still have feelings for them (no matter how well you’ve convinced yourself you’ve hidden it). And because of that, they’ll always hold power over you.

While you both pretend to be buddies with each other, your ex will never really open his or her heart to you. Not fully, and not while they still believe you WANT them.

Getting back together with an ex is all about making them NEED you again. They have to miss you. You have to actually go away.

None of those things happened so far, if you’re still palling around with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. They can’t possibly miss you when all they need to do is look down at their phone and see that you’ve been talking to them every single day.

Sexual sparks might fly, as we talked about above, but those will mostly be one-shot deals. Your ex will get horny, and you’ll be a very likely candidate for sex. Still, this doesn’t usually mean anything. And in the cases where the sex didn’t mean much to your ex, you’re definitely going to get hurt.

Myth 6 – Your Ex Will Ultimately ‘See the Light’ & Want You Back

It’s almost a bit sad, but this has to be said: your ex rejected you for a reason. And until you find out exactly what that reason was – and correct it – you’re never going to convince your ex to get back together as a couple with you.

Again, it goes back to comfort. As long as your former lover is made comfortable around you, he or she has ZERO INCENTIVE to take you back. First of all, it’s obvious you still want them. It’s obvious you’re staying friends with an ulterior motive. And as long as they know this? They’ll always feel comfortable in knowing they can get you back anytime they want to.

This keeps the breakup going. It makes it last and last. That’s because for your ex, there’s no downside. They get to play the field and look for someone better while you’re still circling around them in a holding pattern waiting for table scraps.

Harsh? Yeah. But it’s also the truth. And if you REALLY want a relationship rather than a friendship, you’re going to have to face those hard truths in order to get past the idea of “staying friends” after breaking up.

What to Do If You’ve Become Friends With Your Ex

Already friends with your ex? You have only one real opening move. The sooner you make it, the sooner you can break out of the Friend Zone and start on the actual path to winning your lover back.

Remember: the window of opportunity is there. But it doesn’t stay open forever. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. And the more you allow yourself to sink deeper and deeper into the role of “just a friend” with your ex? The further away you’ll always be.

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6 Huge Mistakes Everyone Makes Right After a Breakup

If you’re trying to reverse or fix your breakup, the most crucial time is the beginning. This is when most people – guys and girls – make the biggest and most devastating of mistakes while trying to “fight for the relationship”.

Anthony Malibu - Breakup Mistakes

These mistakes can sabotage your future. They often destroy any chance of getting back together, depending on which of them you make and how badly you botch them.

For this reason, you need to make sure you know what you’re doing. Acting out just for the sake of ‘doing something’ might be tempting, especially because it’s hard to sit still, but you need to realize that immediately after a breakup? Doing the wrong thing is ten times worse than doing nothing at all.

Below is a list of 6 big mistakes people make immediately after getting dumped. Some are bad, others are worse, but ALL of them are avoidable if you’re willing to exercise a little self-control.

And if you’ve already made some of these errors? Well, things might be bad but they can always improve. Halting these behaviors and actually turning your ex around can have a positive effect on how your former boyfriend or girlfriend sees you. And this, in turn, can lead to a reconciliation… if you play your cards right.

Resisting the Breakup

This is the first mistake people make, and it starts off a long, slippery slope of losing control. Fighting “for” the relationship, as if you could actually change your ex’s mind right now, is only going to push your boyfriend or girlfriend even further away.

Every breakup has the same goal: you need to show your ex that he or she was wrong. That breaking up isn’t really what they want, and that it’s better to be with you.

So when you fight and rage (and cry and scream) against the breakup? You’re essentially showing your ex that they were right. All of a sudden you look desperate, which in turn makes your ex say “Wow… this person needs me a LOT more than I need them. How come I never saw this before?”

From there, your ex’s mind is made up. Leaving you was the right move, for obvious reasons. I mean, just look at you, still in denial. Surely they could do better?

Sulking, Pouting, or Getting Angry

There are many emotional stages of a breakup, and they line up pretty well with the well-known stages of grief. But to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend? These behaviors can make or break how they look at you as a person – and a potential partner – later on.

Your first instinct will be to grieve. You’ll sulk and get all depressed about the loss. You’ll also think that your ex will actually care for your feelings… almost like you can guilt them into coming back because you look so forlorn and glum. Reality however, is different. Because the more you pout, the more depressed you seem? The more LAME your boyfriend or girlfriend will consider your actions.

Anger is another bad move. Some people, especially guys, will get angry and lash out after being dumped. This is where you’ll say things you don’t mean; things you can’t take back later on. If you want to someday date this person again, you’ll need to avoid being angry about the breakup.

Being Needy and Desperate Toward Your Ex

Did you beg your ex to reconsider? Plead with them not to let go of “a good thing”?

Did you promise to change? Demand to know why this person broke up with you? (Hint: they’ll never fully tell you the exact reason, unless you’re willing to make this opening move)

Afterwards, did you stalk your ex on Facebook? Constantly check their Instagram? Did you send tons of text-messages to your former boyfriend or girlfriend, but only got a few (if any) of them answered?

If you did any of the above things, you pretty much shot yourself in the foot. Already you’ve come off as needy and desperate. This is a HUGE turnoff as far as your ex is concerned. The confident, fun, secure person they fell in love with is now this clingy, whiny, crying mess.

NO ONE wants to date someone like that. So the longer you do this stuff? The further you get from making your ex want you back (and the creepier it is overall).

Making Unwanted Contact

Nothing will shove your ex in the opposite direction more than unwanted contact. And yes, this means ALL manner of communication you can have with your ex, no matter how ‘innocent’ or purely platonic/friendly you think that contact might be.

Look at it this way – to get your ex back, they first need to MISS you. And they can’t possibly miss you if you’re calling, texting, emailing, Facebooking, Instagramming, and basically stalking them day and night. Even worse, the more you do these things? The more your ex gets annoyed with you. Turned off by you.

The more you do these things, the less VALUE you have in your boyfriend or girlfriend’s eyes.

What you need to do is contact your ex at the RIGHT time. It has to happen at a natural point in the breakup, where contact will be welcome and they’ll actually be happy to hear from you again.

Learn lots more about how and when to contact your ex here.

Not Using Nostalgia Tactics to Get Your Ex Back

The good news about breaking up is that you have a distinct advantage when it comes to winning your partner back. And that’s because you share a pretty important, very well-remembered past history together.

The past is something that always changes. As time goes on, your ex will tend to forget the bad things (i.e. the fighting, arguing, jealousy, etc…) and remember only the good ones. Those first awesome memories – the ones you yourself cherish? Those are the same memories your ex also enjoys going back to time and time again.

These memories can help your ex change his or her mind about losing you for good, if you’re willing to use these reconnection techniques during your reconciliation process. Read up on them carefully, because for best results they MUST be used correctly and at exactly the right time.

In total there are actually 12 deadly mistakes you can make after breaking up. And some of them are instant relationship-killers, so be especially wary of those.

Learn what the other six errors are, and be sure you’re not committing any of them before going on.

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Why Does My Ex Still Text Me?

In the old days, a breakup was a breakup. You’d lose someone’s phone number, and you’d go on with your life.

Anthony Malibu - Why Does my Ex Text Me

But in today’s digital age? There are still DOZENS of connections between you and your ex, even after the relationship ends. Photo albums, Facebook posts, Instagram messages, emails… and of course, the hundreds or even thousands of text messages you shared during the time when the two of you were dating.

So what does it mean when your ex is still texting you?

Why would he or she be keeping up text-message contact, even though you’re no longer together?

Sometimes the answer is simple; your ex is still thinking about you. You’ve left their life, maybe for good, but you still haven’t left their train of thought.

Imagine how many times you texted your boyfriend or girlfriend over the course of your romance with them. Every morning, every night… all through the day. So even now, their daily routine of talking to you is pretty standard. It’s still keeping you ‘together’, at least on a text-based level.

Other times, the answer is a bit more complicated. That’s because there are always residual feelings and emotions to deal with any time two people break up.

These are the deep-seeded ties that bound you while you were in love with each other. The ones that were so powerful in the beginning. The ones that made it so that you couldn’t keep away from each other, and wanted to spend every minute of every day together, no matter what.

And these powerful connections? They stick around for a while. They just don’t go instantly away because someone said three simple works: “let’s break up”.

An ex will text you for a number of reasons. All of them are generally signs of interest. So if you’re looking to patch things up, or try and get back together again? The fact that your ex is staying on touch with you, even on your tiny little 4-inch cellphone screen? Yeah, it’s still a pretty good thing.

The 8 Big Reasons You’ll Receive Texts From Your Ex

Below you’ll find a list of reasons why your ex is still texting you. Some mean little in the grand scheme of things, but others are a lot more telling when it comes to how your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend truly feels about you.

Your Ex Misses You… Big Time

Let’s face it, when dating someone you get used to spending an awful lot of time together. You see each other, open up about your lives, and tell each other all about daily events. It’s something you’re accustomed to, and so is your ex.

This is why you might still get the occasional message, even after being apart. Your ex is simply thinking about you. He or she misses the contact, and is reaching out for something as simple as someone to talk to, or to bounce ideas off of, like in the old days.

He or She is Used to Contacting You Every Day

Texting back and forth all day, every day, is something you’ve both taken for granted during your relationship. So if you’ve been doing it for months, even years? It’s something you – as well as your ex – might still be tempted to do.

A lot of times people think this type of text-messaging is innocent: “Oh, I like to talk to him/her, but I don’t want to get back together or anything…”

In reality? ALL texting means something. There’s no “innocent” contact when it comes to your ex, unless you’re making that one final phone call to get your stuff back. An ex who is still hammering out a bunch of small-talk on your cellphone all day is an ex who isn’t yet ready to lose you completely.

Your Ex Wants to Be Friends After the Breakup

This reason is always a hidden agenda. Believe me when I say there’s no such thing as 100% strictly platonic friends “with an ex”. That doesn’t happen, not even in movies.

Once you’re intimate with someone, that’s IT. The dynamic between you is forever changed. You know this. I know this. Everyone knows this. It’s common knowledge.

Yet some people will continue deluding themselves that somehow, some way, they can be ‘friends’ with someone they dated. As if one person doesn’t still love the other person just a little bit more… tilting the scales so that the balance of power always denotes a breakup “winner” and a breakup “loser”.

If your ex wants to be friends it’s because he or she WANTS something. Most of the time, it’s information. Your former boyfriend or girlfriend is looking to keep you in their life as a security blanket; something to hold onto in case being single doesn’t work out for them. Your “friendship” is a tool. A way for your ex to have his/her cake and eat it too.

Your Ex is Checking Up on You Through Your Phone

Other times, an ex will just want to see where you are. It’s comforting to know that you haven’t moved on, haven’t started dating, and didn’t meet anyone else since the two of you went your separate ways.

Why is this? Does your ex hate you? Do they want to see you fail? Well, no and yes. No, they don’t hate you. But yes, it’s human nature to want to see you worse off than when you were with them.

In short, your ex wants to be right. They would like to believe that breaking up with you was the right move, so they use text-messages to “keep in touch” under the guise of innocent contact. Which, of course, it’s not.

He or She Drunk Texted You

Drunk-calling has now been replaced by drunk texting. This is when it’s late at night, your ex has been drinking, and his or her thoughts inevitably turn toward you.

This is a HUGE SIGN OF INTEREST! Being drunk, your defenses are always down. That’s when your true feelings rise to the surface, unhindered by any inhibitions or walls you may have been putting up.

This means your ex secretly thinks about you a lot more than you think. The alcohol acts as a catalyst for contact; rather than refrain from calling or texting you while they were sober, your drunk exboyfriend or exgirlfriend is free to do whatever they want… and blame it on the alcohol later on.

Your Ex is Nostalgic About Your Past History Together

Know why people get back together? Because the beginning of every relationship is AMAZING.

Think about that. Go back to those first few weeks (a.k.a. the ‘honeymoon phase’) of your relationship and tell me it wasn’t the best thing in the whole world. Tell me the feelings weren’t explosively powerful. Tell me the sex wasn’t Rock Star levels of Godliness.

When your ex is lonely, he or she will think back to those early times. The good times, before all the bullshit. Before all the fighting and arguing and stupid jealousy that probably broke you up.

Fixing a breakup is all about bringing these feelings back again. There are some really great methods and techniques for making your ex remember how much they really love being with you, if you’re willing to sit down and learn them.

Your Ex Wants to Hook Up, Meet Up, Have Sex, Etc…

This one is the Booty Call. The unapologetic “hey, let’s hang out” text that ends up in bed with the two of you rolling around naked. And hey, that’s okay. Sex is actually a big part of getting back together.

Take this text for what it is; your ex is still physically attracted to you. Whether or not that leads to a more emotional and permanent connection is still up in the air, but at least you’re moving in the right direction.

Your Ex is Feeling You Out on the Subject of Getting Back Together

In the final stages of a breakup, right before you get back together again, your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend will try and gauge your feelings. They’d like to know that if they suggested giving your romance another chance, they’re not going to be rejected or shot down.

That’s where this text comes in. Your partner will usually be more overt about his or her intentions here, asking factual questions about where you are, how you’ve been doing (emotionally), and whether or not you’re dating someone else. You’ll also get “do you miss me?” and “do you remember when we used to XYZ?” a lot, which is his or her way of trying to remind you of how good you were together.

A former lover who gets nostalgic or reminiscent about the past is a lover who wants to create future times with you. So yeah, your ex is probably about to ask you out again. Roll with it, if that’s what you want, and encourage such contact. Then see where it goes.

Other Signs Your Ex Still Loves You

In the end, there are lots of signs and signals your ex boyfriend or girlfriend will give off when they’re showing interest in you again. Spotting these signs, and then knowing what to do about them? Well, that’s the tricky part.

Why does me ex text me? Truth is, it’s an extension of your past relationship. Breakups HURT. Messaging back and forth can alleviate that pain, even if just for a little while.

All said, timing is everything when it comes to reconciling. You need to make the right moves, at the right times, while avoiding all of the wrong ones.

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Contacting Your Ex Boyfriend – When and How to Do It

Breaking up is about being apart. This makes you miss each other, but it also creates huge gaps between you that can make future contact pretty awkward.

Anthony Malibu - When and How to Contact Your Ex

Very often you won’t know when or how to get back in touch with your ex. Maybe you’ve even tried, and your attempts at keeping in touch have been met with resistance.

If your boyfriend is cold or callous when he talks to you, it can be emotionally devastating. It can make you feel like there’s no more hope; as if he’s moved on already, and there’s nothing more you can do.

At the same time, you’ll feel like not contacting him is even worse. You’ll feel him slipping away, as if he’ll forget about you more and more as each day goes by without talking, texting, or seeing him.

There’s a 6 Step-Process to Get Back With an Ex. One of those steps is the NO CONTACT phase, where you pull away from your ex long enough to make him miss you, need you, and eagerly want to hear from you again.

But when it’s time to get back in touch? There are a variety of ways you can make contact with your ex boyfriend again. Here are just a few of them:

Facebook or Instagram Contact

Of all the ways to reopen the lines of communication, this one is rock bottom. You really want to avoid contacting your ex through social media if at all possible, because it’s one of the most impersonal ways of reconnecting.

Essentially, you’re reaching here, and desperately so. Worse, your boyfriend can easily ignore this attempt at contacting him by simply doing nothing. This will leave you wondering if he even got your message at all.

Texting Your Ex After the Breakup

Again this is impersonal, and because you sent thousands of text-messages to each other over the course of your relationship, this will get lost in a sea of ‘whatever’. Texting your ex when you haven’t seen or talked to him in a long while is a huge copout. You’re showing your insecurity and lack of confidence; you’re sweating him so much you can’t even carry on a conversation with this guy. So why the hell would he want to date you?

Now if your ex texts you, you’ll need to know EXACTLY how to respond. In that case, check out this video on what to text your exboyfriend when he does reach out to you.

Emailing Your Ex Boyfriend

Marginally better than texting, this is still not the best idea. The bad news is he can ignore the email as if he never got it, leaving you in total limbo. The good news however, is that you get to craft a longer message. You aren’t limited to a certain number of words or characters, like on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. You can really pour your heart out here. But should you?

Remember, when getting back in touch after a breakup you always want first contact to be short. You need to get in quick, keep things light and positive, and get out of the conversation on your own terms.

Here’s a complete guide on what to say when you make first contact with your ex boyfriend. Also included here, and even more important? What NOT to say to him if you still want him back!

Calling Your ExBoyfriend on the Phone

Here’s where you really up the ante on winning him back. Because until you’re willing to actually talk to your boyfriend, in a real live conversation? He’s never going to take your attempts at reconciliation seriously.

Up until you call him, he’ll see your texts and emails as signs of interest. He may be flattered by these things, but for the most part he’ll brush them off. In short, you’re giving up control. And you don’t have very much control to begin with, if he was the one who initiated the breakup.

There are certain times that are optimal for calling or contacting your ex. Know what these are, because when it comes to making him receptive to taking you back? Timing is everything.

Physically Seeing or Running Into Your Ex

There are two approaches to seeing your exboyfriend here. One is to just flat out show up and talk to him. And this one is risky.

Again, you don’t want to force your boyfriend into anything unwanted. He needs to NEED to hear from you again, or even see you, before you start making any moves. This requires him missing you first, so you must go through the no contact portion of the breakup reversal process. All of the steps are vital, and you can’t skip anything.

The second approach is to ‘accidentally’ show up somewhere your ex is going to be. This could require some reconnaissance (through friends, family, or even social media) but you absolutely must not let him know that you intentionally came to see him. This would look desperate, and if he smells that desperation it’s something that will immediately set you back to square ONE.

How Can I Get My Ex to Call Me?

Great question, I’m glad you asked it. Because as difficult as it is to initiate contact with someone who dumped you, the whole situation becomes MUCH easier when your boyfriend is the one who actually calls you.

There are several ways to accomplish this, and not all of them will fit your own particular breakup scenario. Read up on them and learn which one might be right for you. Then go for it, but only after you’ve gone NO CONTACT for the required period of time.

Ultimately contact is necessary for ANY reconciliation. Never be afraid of it. Never be too timid, or laid back, and fearful to make some moves of your own. Your boyfriend isn’t going to wait forever, and neither are the girls who might already be getting in line to date him.

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My Ex Says He Loves Me, But He’s Not Ready to Get Back Together

So you’re talking with your ex boyfriend. Seeing him. Maybe even sleeping with him as well. All signs point to a reconciliation, and you’re eagerly awaiting those awesome few words: “Will you be my girlfriend?” again.

Anthony Malibu - Ex Stringing You Along

Instead, your ex avoids the question. He’s distant. Wishy-washy. So you ask him flat out where things are going, and your former boyfriend tells you:

“I still love you… but I’m just not ready for another relationship
right now.”

Now there are other ways he can word this too. Your ex might give you the “I’m still working on myself” line. Or he may string you along with “It’s too soon” or “Just give me some time.”

In all of those cases, he’s still with you. Still shows up to hang out with you. Still sleeps with you, and the sex is even better than before because now there’s a nasty, forbidden element to it.

So you wait… not-so-patiently. You’re happy with the contact, but you want more. Yet at the same time, you’re afraid of pushing your ex boyfriend too hard. As if pressing him for an answer might push him away for good, and you’ll lose him forever.

So what gives? Does he really want to be with you again? Or is your exboyfriend just giving you the blowoff… maybe stringing you along for as long as possible just so he can get a few extra weeks of post-breakup relationship (and post-breakup sex) with you?

The Real Reasons Your Ex Won’t Take You Back

First of all, if you’re trying to fix your breakup it’s always good thing that he’s still seeing you. At the same time, you can’t take everything he’s saying at face value. No matter what your ex says to you, his ultimate goal is his best interests. Meaning that he’s going to do what HE wants to do, and not just take you back for the sake of making you happy.

The good news is he’s not ready to lose you. He’s hanging onto your past relationship because he still feels emotionally connected. He’s probably torn; part of him wants a fresh start with someone else, but a bigger part of him wants to see if the two of you can actually work out.

The problem however, is that his actions are selfish. By telling you he loves you, he’s basically “locking you up” for now. He’s making sure you don’t go anywhere, while at the same time he’s free to do what he wants (and with who he wants). On top of that you might even be sleeping with him, which is like giving your ex everything he had when he was still dating you, but without the responsibilities of actually having to answer to you as a girlfriend.

And hey, guess what? While you sit there and do nothing? NOTHING WILL HAPPEN. Your former boyfriend isn’t going to alter the situation, because there’s no incentive for him to change anything. He has you; your companionship, your contact, your love and even your intimacy. What else does he really need? At this point, the title of boyfriend/girlfriend only serves to weigh him down.

Why Would My Ex Say That He Still Loves Me?

Two reasons. One, he really does still love you. His feelings for you are genuine, even if he hasn’t recommitted to a relationship yet.

But the other reason? It’s because he doesn’t want you to leave. He’s using the “I’m still in love with you” line as a way to keep you bound to him. It’s a tool he whips out whenever he feels you pulling away… whenever he feels like you might be getting fed up with his indecision, or tired of waiting. This is where he pours on the charm, and says all those things he knows you want to hear. And this, again, is selfish.

How Can I Get Him Back?

Again, the situation won’t change until YOU do something about it. So if you want your ex back? You’ll need to be proactive, rather than reactive, about the whole post-breakup situation.

Your first move is to create a void in his life. You do this by pulling away – as much as it might hurt right now. Only by making your boyfriend miss you can you actually create a need to have you as his girlfriend again. Only when he feels like he might lose you will he begin to evaluate you as a potential girlfriend rather than just ‘his ex’.

You can also use these bonding methods to strengthen past emotional attachments. By doing this, and by using the highlights of your past history together, you can mentally and emotionally bring your boyfriend back to the way things were at the beginning of your relationship. Accomplish this, and he’ll feel the same strong ties and attachments that made him want you as his girlfriend the first time around.

Ultimately, you never want to stay in this position too long. Being the “cool ex girlfriend” he can hang out with (and maybe sleep with) will eventually get you Friend-Zoned. And if you want this guy back as your boyfriend again? That’s absolutely the last thing you want.

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My Ex Hasn’t Responded for 2 Weeks – What Can I Do?

Hi Anthony!

My name is Sharon and I have been reading your relationship articles for a while now and they seem to help, but I am in a very strange situation with my ex and I was wondering if you can help me out.In the beginning of July my ex broke up with me because he told me that it was the right time to move on and to just remain friends. A week after he broke up with me I had sex with another guy.

A couple of days after my ex broke up with me he would still text me everyday and remained contact. A couple of weeks later we began to hang out a lot and started to discuss getting back together. I told him about the other guy that I hooked up with and he started crying and was very upset the next day he told me he was shocked and confused and very hurt because he told me he still had feelings for me when we broke up. Then he told me that he’s giving me the total green light to move on and that this would be the last time we were gunna talk.

I haven’t heard from him since then which was two weeks ago. I just shot him a text a couple of hours ago saying hey and he hasn’t responded. He’s a sensitive guy and I want to know from a guy’s pov how he is feeling and if I still have a chance. I still love him and I want him back terribly .. We been together for two and a half years on and off.

Breakup Advice Separator

Hi Sharon!

Sorry to hear about the problems you’ve been having. Your situation is fairly common, and your boyfriend is having some serious remorse over his stupid “move on and be friends” move, which backfired so hard it came back to bite him in the ass just a few weeks later.

“move on and to just remain friends” – The ‘just be friends’ part of this statement should’ve clued you in on his true intentions: he wanted you to wait around. Not saying you had any responsibility to sit back and wait around for him… you were certainly allowed to do whatever you wanted at that point. But what your boyfriend *expected* and what you actually *did* turned out to be two very different things.

Anthony Malibu - Make Your Ex Need You

This guy wasn’t ready to let you go (and still might not be). He was having a “single moment”, where he wanted to see what else was out there for him. At the same time of course, he wanted you to stick around. Staying friends was his way of keeping tabs on you, so he’d know how hung up on him you might still be… and how much time he has to do what he wants. Ideally, he wanted you to stick by and twiddle your thumbs while he made some moves. And if those moves failed? There you were, all ready to take him back.

Instead, you went out and made you own moves. Your only mistake – in my opinion – was telling him about them. When you met up again and started discussing getting back together, you probably should’ve omitted the fact that you slept with another guy. Maybe you did it out of loneliness, a rebound fling, even a little bit of getting back at him for the breakup… whatever it was, you should’ve probably kept it to yourself. If he found out later, you could always tell him you lied to spare his feelings, and that the one-time sex meant nothing. And if he never found out? No harm done.

I don’t usually advocate lying about a relationship, but in truth you weren’t together at that point. What you did was YOUR business, not his. And yes, he might even have asked if you’d been with someone else, but you know what? It’s not his place to break up with you and then demand do know what you were doing while you were rejected, hurt, and alone.

Okay, I guess you want a solution. :) At this point it’s tough, because he’s not going to get over the sex you had with this guy anytime soon. Your boyfriend is going to drill you for details (give him as little as possible), and re-hash the affair in his head over and over again. It’ll drive him crazy with jealousy, and it will make him bitter and angry. But at the same time, in the back of his mind he’ll know he brought this on himself for pulling the “let’s go on a break” stunt back at the beginning of July. Maybe you acted more quickly than most, but in the end, you really didn’t do anything wrong.

From a guy’s point of view, he CAN forgive you. It’s going to take him longer to forget. What you need to do is blow this whole thing off as almost meaningless whenever he brings it up. Tell him it was a one-shot deal, it wasn’t even that good, and you thought of him the whole time (even if you didn’t). Tell him this guy means nothing, and that if he wants to get back together you’re willing to give it a shot… but ONLY if he’s willing to forget what happened and NOT continually punish you for what he might consider cheating on him.

The worst thing you can do right now is apologize… even for ‘hurting him’. He hurt himself. You need to maintain a strong and firm stance on this, but at the same time be appreciative and gentle with his feelings. Tell him you totally understand how he’s feeling, and that you’d feel badly in the same scenario. But tell him at the time YOU were hurt, YOU were confused, and YOU sought some comfort in another guy’s arms during a very hard time. It had nothing to do with him, your relationship, or your future together.

That’s the best you can do, I’m afraid. If he hasn’t contacted you by now, I’d suggest you *completely* eliminate all calls, texts, emails, etc… He needs to wrap his head around what happened, but he also needs to realize he’s losing you if he doesn’t take a step forward in your direction. Chase him, and he’ll think he’s right and you’re wrong. But let him chase you, and it will be like he’s trying to get back something special he’s on the verge of losing – and this is what you want.

Also, there are ways of getting your ex boyfriend to call you. Check these out, some of them might help in getting him to make that first contact.

Good luck, and let me know how it turns out for you, okay?

Breakup Advice Separator

Hey Anthony, just wanted to thank you so much for the advice! Its now going on three weeks with still no contact and I’m doing my absolute best by sticking strong to your disappearing from his radar method .. He still hasn’t contacted me either ..

I guess I shouldn’t worry because it has only been three weeks. I had been reading in one of your articles that usually it takes a good six weeks for them to possibly contact. What really scares me though is when the last time I herd from him he told me that he was giving me the total green light to move on and that he is really serious about never speaking to me again. I don’t know if he is just saying that because he was hurt or if he was really serious.

He is a pretty sensitive guy so I don’t really know how to take that statement it could probably go either way. I totally agree that I shouldn’t have told him about the sex with the other guy because it was my business only. I will totally keep you updated and let you know what goes on! Thanks again and keep safe from the hurricane, us long islanders are strong though well make it through LOL 😉

Breakup Advice Separator

Haha!!! A fellow Long Islander? NICE. Enjoy the Hurricane and stay indoors!

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Take the Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back Quiz

Does he still love you? Sometimes it’s not easy to tell. Guys can send very mixed feelings your way after a breakup, and their intentions are never 100% clear.

To understand whether or not you’ve still got a shot, you need to know how your ex really feels. You have to dig deep, to where unresolved emotional bonds are still tying him to you in one way or another. And more often than not, this is not something your ex is going to be open about, or disclose willingly.

Get Your Ex Back Quiz

The following Quiz can tell you a whole bunch of stuff about your ex boyfriend. Answering honestly, you’ll learn:

  • What it means when he’s still calling you, and how you can get your ex to call.
  • How much you should read into it when your boyfriend keeps ‘running into’ you.
  • What the type of contact your ex makes says about his future intentions.
  • How the way he broke up with you can affect whether or not he still sees the two of you together.
  • How any communication he has with your family and friends can be a big sign he’s ready to take you back.
  • Why the excuses he gives for calling you can hint at the possibility of an apology or reconciliation.
  • The true reason(s) he may have broken up with you (which are not always what he originally told you).
  • Why your ex bringing up the past can be a big tell when it comes to getting back together.
  • Exactly what it means when you have intimacy after the breakup (sex with your ex).

These are only a few of the areas covered by this 18-question quiz. At the end the quiz is fully scored, and points tallied to give a total. The higher your score, the greater the chance your boyfriend still wants you back. From there recommendations are made, based upon how you scored and which questions received stronger answers.

The entire Get Your Ex Back Quiz can be found here. Check it out, and see how high a score you get.

Connecting With Your Ex Boyfriend After the Breakup

In some cases you’ll want to walk away from a bad relationship. But in others? You’ll feel like the whole thing is unfinished. As if you really could be good together, if only the two of you could get past a few hurdles.

Knowing what those hurdles are is usually difficult. Many relationships end with a bunch of fighting or bad feelings, and others just end with two people shutting up and walking away. Getting back in touch after that can be difficult. Contacting your ex is like putting yourself out there, setting yourself up for rejection, if the type of contact you make with him is unwanted.

If your ex hasn’t called or contacted you at all, calling him isn’t the answer. Not now, while he still hasn’t had time to miss you. But then many times, an ex boyfriend will want to stay in touch with you after breaking things off. He’ll send text messages, or even encourage you to do the same. He might even suggest staying friends with him, but if you want him back? This type of arrangement will only lessen your chances at ever being his girlfriend again… and for a good many reasons.

Remember: you can’t force someone to be with you. You can only make them see what they’ll be missing, and to do that, you need to go away for a while. In cutting yourself entirely from your boyfriend’s life you can play upon the existing emotional bonds he’s currently trying to bury. And if those bonds are strong enough? He’ll miss you enough that he’ll need you back, or at least need to start hearing from you again… and this is when he’ll make that call.

Learn the best methods to accelerate your ex missing you, and use them to speed up the process of fixing your breakup. These work more efficiently when you employ them closest to your breakup date, so don’t wait forever.

And in the meantime? Take the quiz to see exactly where you stand on the path to getting back together.

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Your ExBoyfriend Wants to Stay Friends – Why It’s a Great Sign

Going through a breakup is confusing. Sometimes a guy will ask to stay friends with you afterward, but not really mean it. But other guys will actually want to keep in contact with you, and expect you to stay in touch with them as well.

Boyfriend Wants to Be Friends

If this is the scenario you’re going through, it’s usually a good sign. Because when you’ve had a close relationship with somebody, it’s not always easy to sever every last attachment… especially in the case where your ex boyfriend still hasn’t fully resolved his feelings for you.

Being friends with your ex might seem like a great idea. In reality though, there’s a good chance of you getting hurt.

Sure, you’ll still get to keep in touch with and even see your ex. But as he starts doing new things (without you) and eventually begins dating other people? Your heart will break twice as hard because you’ll have to watch the whole thing from a front-row seat… as his “good friend”.

By the same token, think about when you possibly meet someone else. Think your new guy is going to be cool with you staying in touch and constantly contacting your ex boyfriend?

Of course not. There will be jealousy, there will be envy, and there will be fights over the whole thing.

Being Friends With Your Ex to Get Him Back

A lot of women think that by staying friendly with an ex boyfriend, they’re maximizing their chances of getting back together. As if always being around, in plain sight, and keeping up communication with their ex will suddenly make him realize he still loves you.

The reality is that just the opposite will happen.

First of all, you’re giving your ex boyfriend all the things that he needs from you. Love, attention, friendship… and probably even sex. Lots of exes that hang out together end up sleeping together in a type of friends-with-benefits arrangement. And while that’s fine if you have no romantic attachments, it’s going to break your heart if you still love your exboyfriend and want him back.

In this scenario, your ex never feels compelled to ask you to be his girlfriend again. Why? Because has has everything already. You’ve made him comfortable. You’ve made him content. And you’ve done this all without the added pressure of being girlfriend/boyfriend; he doesn’t really have to answer to you about anything because he’s not truly your boyfriend.

The Good Thing About Your Ex Wanting to Be Friends

Now there’s still a silver lining here. Because if your boyfriend asked to remain friends even after dumping you, it’s because he still isn’t ready to let you go.

To him, it would be better if you were waiting around, just in CASE he decides he wants you back. And many girls are okay with this, hanging in the wings while their exboyfriends go out and do whatever they want to do, including dating other people, and are still willing to eventually take them back.

But if you don’t WANT your ex to date anyone else? If you actually want him back now instead of later? Well, then that’s easy. You have to refuse to be friends with him.

“Listen, I love you… but I can’t be friends with you. Friendship isn’t what I want from you, so I think it would be better if we both just went our separate ways.”

This is just one of four different counter-rejection techniques you need to learn if you want to get your boyfriend back. Rather than going along with what your boyfriend wants (and expects) from you, you’re pushing him out of his comfort zone by going in the opposite direction.

See, your boyfriend doesn’t want to lose you completely. Not now. Not all at once. He expected to let go of you gradually, so that it didn’t bother him as much. Kind of like peeling a Band-Aid off slowly rather than quickly, to minimize the pain.

And of course, as we all know, that never works. So what you’re doing here is telling him “hey, I’m not going to wait around for you while you do that”. This forces your ex to make hard choices about losing you for good. Which is something he never has to do if you’re sitting there smiling back at him from a role of “friendship”.

In the end, don’t settle for just being friends. Not if what you REALLY want is your boyfriend back. The road to reconciliation doesn’t lead through friendship. It’s an entirely different path you need to take that will rebuild your relationship rather than forge some kind of pseudo one-sided friendship.

There are 6 Individual Steps needed to get him back, so find out what they are! The sooner you get started on winning his heart, the easier it will be to call yourself his girlfriend again.

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