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Why Does My Ex Still Text Me?

In the old days, a breakup was a breakup. You’d lose someone’s phone number, and you’d go on with your life.

Anthony Malibu - Why Does my Ex Text Me

But in today’s digital age? There are still DOZENS of connections between you and your ex, even after the relationship ends. Photo albums, Facebook posts, Instagram messages, emails… and of course, the hundreds or even thousands of text messages you shared during the time when the two of you were dating.

So what does it mean when your ex is still texting you?

Why would he or she be keeping up text-message contact, even though you’re no longer together?

Sometimes the answer is simple; your ex is still thinking about you. You’ve left their life, maybe for good, but you still haven’t left their train of thought.

Imagine how many times you texted your boyfriend or girlfriend over the course of your romance with them. Every morning, every night… all through the day. So even now, their daily routine of talking to you is pretty standard. It’s still keeping you ‘together’, at least on a text-based level.

Other times, the answer is a bit more complicated. That’s because there are always residual feelings and emotions to deal with any time two people break up.

These are the deep-seeded ties that bound you while you were in love with each other. The ones that were so powerful in the beginning. The ones that made it so that you couldn’t keep away from each other, and wanted to spend every minute of every day together, no matter what.

And these powerful connections? They stick around for a while. They just don’t go instantly away because someone said three simple works: “let’s break up”.

An ex will text you for a number of reasons. All of them are generally signs of interest. So if you’re looking to patch things up, or try and get back together again? The fact that your ex is staying on touch with you, even on your tiny little 4-inch cellphone screen? Yeah, it’s still a pretty good thing.

The 8 Big Reasons You’ll Receive Texts From Your Ex

Below you’ll find a list of reasons why your ex is still texting you. Some mean little in the grand scheme of things, but others are a lot more telling when it comes to how your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend truly feels about you.

Your Ex Misses You… Big Time

Let’s face it, when dating someone you get used to spending an awful lot of time together. You see each other, open up about your lives, and tell each other all about daily events. It’s something you’re accustomed to, and so is your ex.

This is why you might still get the occasional message, even after being apart. Your ex is simply thinking about you. He or she misses the contact, and is reaching out for something as simple as someone to talk to, or to bounce ideas off of, like in the old days.

He or She is Used to Contacting You Every Day

Texting back and forth all day, every day, is something you’ve both taken for granted during your relationship. So if you’ve been doing it for months, even years? It’s something you – as well as your ex – might still be tempted to do.

A lot of times people think this type of text-messaging is innocent: “Oh, I like to talk to him/her, but I don’t want to get back together or anything…”

In reality? ALL texting means something. There’s no “innocent” contact when it comes to your ex, unless you’re making that one final phone call to get your stuff back. An ex who is still hammering out a bunch of small-talk on your cellphone all day is an ex who isn’t yet ready to lose you completely.

Your Ex Wants to Be Friends After the Breakup

This reason is always a hidden agenda. Believe me when I say there’s no such thing as 100% strictly platonic friends “with an ex”. That doesn’t happen, not even in movies.

Once you’re intimate with someone, that’s IT. The dynamic between you is forever changed. You know this. I know this. Everyone knows this. It’s common knowledge.

Yet some people will continue deluding themselves that somehow, some way, they can be ‘friends’ with someone they dated. As if one person doesn’t still love the other person just a little bit more… tilting the scales so that the balance of power always denotes a breakup “winner” and a breakup “loser”.

If your ex wants to be friends it’s because he or she WANTS something. Most of the time, it’s information. Your former boyfriend or girlfriend is looking to keep you in their life as a security blanket; something to hold onto in case being single doesn’t work out for them. Your “friendship” is a tool. A way for your ex to have his/her cake and eat it too.

Your Ex is Checking Up on You Through Your Phone

Other times, an ex will just want to see where you are. It’s comforting to know that you haven’t moved on, haven’t started dating, and didn’t meet anyone else since the two of you went your separate ways.

Why is this? Does your ex hate you? Do they want to see you fail? Well, no and yes. No, they don’t hate you. But yes, it’s human nature to want to see you worse off than when you were with them.

In short, your ex wants to be right. They would like to believe that breaking up with you was the right move, so they use text-messages to “keep in touch” under the guise of innocent contact. Which, of course, it’s not.

He or She Drunk Texted You

Drunk-calling has now been replaced by drunk texting. This is when it’s late at night, your ex has been drinking, and his or her thoughts inevitably turn toward you.

This is a HUGE SIGN OF INTEREST! Being drunk, your defenses are always down. That’s when your true feelings rise to the surface, unhindered by any inhibitions or walls you may have been putting up.

This means your ex secretly thinks about you a lot more than you think. The alcohol acts as a catalyst for contact; rather than refrain from calling or texting you while they were sober, your drunk exboyfriend or exgirlfriend is free to do whatever they want… and blame it on the alcohol later on.

Your Ex is Nostalgic About Your Past History Together

Know why people get back together? Because the beginning of every relationship is AMAZING.

Think about that. Go back to those first few weeks (a.k.a. the ‘honeymoon phase’) of your relationship and tell me it wasn’t the best thing in the whole world. Tell me the feelings weren’t explosively powerful. Tell me the sex wasn’t Rock Star levels of Godliness.

When your ex is lonely, he or she will think back to those early times. The good times, before all the bullshit. Before all the fighting and arguing and stupid jealousy that probably broke you up.

Fixing a breakup is all about bringing these feelings back again. There are some really great methods and techniques for making your ex remember how much they really love being with you, if you’re willing to sit down and learn them.

Your Ex Wants to Hook Up, Meet Up, Have Sex, Etc…

This one is the Booty Call. The unapologetic “hey, let’s hang out” text that ends up in bed with the two of you rolling around naked. And hey, that’s okay. Sex is actually a big part of getting back together.

Take this text for what it is; your ex is still physically attracted to you. Whether or not that leads to a more emotional and permanent connection is still up in the air, but at least you’re moving in the right direction.

Your Ex is Feeling You Out on the Subject of Getting Back Together

In the final stages of a breakup, right before you get back together again, your exboyfriend or exgirlfriend will try and gauge your feelings. They’d like to know that if they suggested giving your romance another chance, they’re not going to be rejected or shot down.

That’s where this text comes in. Your partner will usually be more overt about his or her intentions here, asking factual questions about where you are, how you’ve been doing (emotionally), and whether or not you’re dating someone else. You’ll also get “do you miss me?” and “do you remember when we used to XYZ?” a lot, which is his or her way of trying to remind you of how good you were together.

A former lover who gets nostalgic or reminiscent about the past is a lover who wants to create future times with you. So yeah, your ex is probably about to ask you out again. Roll with it, if that’s what you want, and encourage such contact. Then see where it goes.

Other Signs Your Ex Still Loves You

In the end, there are lots of signs and signals your ex boyfriend or girlfriend will give off when they’re showing interest in you again. Spotting these signs, and then knowing what to do about them? Well, that’s the tricky part.

Why does me ex text me? Truth is, it’s an extension of your past relationship. Breakups HURT. Messaging back and forth can alleviate that pain, even if just for a little while.

All said, timing is everything when it comes to reconciling. You need to make the right moves, at the right times, while avoiding all of the wrong ones.

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How to Keep Your Break From Becoming a Breakup

So you’re on a ‘break’… or you took ‘time off’ from the relationship. Or maybe your partner just needed ‘space’, or even ‘time to think’.

Sound familiar? That’s because your boyfriend or girlfriend is unhappy. They’re putting your relationship in a holding pattern, while you sit there doing nothing and hoping that somehow, someway, things will get miraculously better.

Stop Break From Becoming Breakup

Are you all ready to do that?

Of course not.

Because right here, right now, I’m going to show you how to stop and reverse your breakup. And make no mistake about it, that’s exactly what this is; a breakup just waiting to be finalized, and through no fault or control of your own.

Putting any relationship on the back burner is always a bad idea. That’s because ‘taking time off’ is usually the first step toward a much larger and more permanent problem; breaking up for good.

Why Does My Lover Want to Take a Break?

Whatever vague, bullshit reason your boyfriend or girlfriend gave you for needing a break, the first thing you should acknowledge is how lame it is. No one needs “space” from someone they love to the point of excluding them from their lives. Nobody needs to “work on themselves for a while” unless they’re training for the Olympics, and for God’s sake nobody needs time apart “to see just how much we really love each other” when that time could be spent, oh, I don’t know, actually trying to love each other.

The fact is, your partner wants something entirely different. Let me translate it for you:

“Hey, listen. I was thinking of seeing other people. Or maybe even trying to date other people, and you know, see if that works out for me”.

“But just in case it doesn’t? I’d like you to still be around waiting for me.
So let’s call it a ‘break’ instead of a ‘breakup”.

“Of course this means I get to do whatever the hell I want, and you get to sit here and wait for me under the guise of ‘I need some space’.”

In other words: “Don’t call me, I’ll call you.”

Obviously, none of this is fair. Your partner is exploiting his or her sense of power. They realize that you want or need them just a little bit more than they need you, and they’re using that little fact to test the boundaries of your relationship.

Most people, unfortunately, go along with the break. They see no alternative because they’re too afraid of losing their lover for good. This might be where you are now, having lowered your head and agreed to whatever obscure terms your now exboyfriend or exgirlfriend laid out when they semi-dumped you. You hope they’ll come to their senses and return, but in the back of your mind you’re terrified that they won’t.

What to Do When You’re ‘On a Break’

Oddly enough, rocking the boat is exactly what you need to do if you want any chance of being with this person again. Going along with the break will almost certainly lead to the end of your relationship, because even if this person does come back they’re only going to abuse their sense of power again and again until the two of you finally break up.

A relationship should be EQUAL. The love you give should be the same as the love you receive. The best partnerships are built on trust and respect, not on forced commitment and the constant fear of being left alone.

So what should you do when your boyfriend or girlfriend wants ‘time apart’ or ‘space’ or some other nonsense? Easy. You walk in the opposite direction.

Rather than meekly going along with whatever vague terms are set as far as hanging out, contacting them, etc… you smirk back at your boyfriend or girlfriend and say:

“Yeah… thanks but no thanks. I stopped doing the whole
‘we’re on a break’ thing back in the 7th grade.”

Sneer at it. Make fun of it. Make sure your lover realizes how stupid they ought to feel, asking you to take something as important as your relationship and relegate it to some weird limbo.

When they try to reword things or push the issue, tell them:

“If you don’t want to date me, fine. Let’s break up. We can both do our own thing and both go off and see other people. But I’m sure as hell not
doing this ‘take time apart’ crap.”

Say this, and you’ll find your lover picking his or her jaw up off the floor. Why? Because it’s totally not what they expected. You’re doing the exact opposite of what they thought you would do, which was jumping through hoops in order to keep them.

In truth? Your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t want to break up right now. If that was their intention, they would’ve put it a lot differently. Instead, they wanted a ‘break’ because it allowed them time to test the waters. To jump on over the fence and check if the grass was really greener, with the comfort and knowledge you’d let them jump back to YOU if the grass on the other side of the fence totally sucked.

Instead, you’re telling them no. You’re telling them you won’t be there when they get back. You’re also letting them know you’re ready to ‘do your own thing’ as soon as possible, which will make your partner – who is still very attached to you – ten times more upset than anything else.

Learn the rest of these Counter-Rejection Techniques if you feel your relationship is threatened by an unwanted break. They’re are an amazing way to stop and reverse the detachment process, by forcing your boyfriend or girlfriend to completely reevaluate how they feel about you.

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3 Things Your Ex Wants to See After the Breakup

Breakups aren’t as cut and dry as you might think they are. Just as there are two sides to every story, there are two sides to a breakup as well.

Moves After Breakup

To you, your boyfriend or girlfriend ended things abruptly. They don’t want you anymore, and they don’t want anything to do with you. The lack of communication might make things seem hopeless, as if you’ve been totally emotionally abandoned.

On your ex’s side however, things are different. While yes, they did initiate the breakup, they also had a lot more time to consider it. They started the process of letting go of you weeks, even months ago, which gives them a distinct emotional advantage over you. They’re already got used to the possibility of not continuing on with the relationship.

As a result, your ex might seem a lot colder or more distant than you really think they are toward you. This is mostly because they want to avoid you. Dealing with you right now is a tough thing for them, so don’t take it as a sign they’ve completely shed all feelings for you.

Now, when an ex leaves? They ALWAYS look back. Your boyfriend or girlfriend will inevitably glance over his or her shoulder, just to see what they left behind. And when they do? Your ex wants to see three major things:

1) Your Ex Wants to See You Miserable Without Them

Yeah, that’s right: your ex wants you to suffer. Not because they’re a bitter asshole, but because seeing you upset about losing them inflates their own ego. And the more upset you are? The more it justifies their decision. The more it makes them realize that you needed them more than they ever needed you.

This is why it’s crucial that you NOT act upset, forlorn, depressed, or any of that stuff after the breakup. Crying, pleading, “fighting for the relationship” – all that crap only cements their decision that yeah, they’re gonna be totally better off without you.

The most disconcerting thing you can do after someone dumps you? Act like nothing happened. In effect, you want to smile, say “okay”, and walk away. This creates INSTANT DOUBT on the part of your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. All of a sudden they wonder if cutting you loose was a bad idea, because obviously you didn’t need them half as much as they thought you did.

Indifference is the second-best opening move when it comes to reversing a breakup. Here’s the first one. Learn them both, because combining these two moves is going to put you in the driver’s seat later on, when it comes time to get back with your ex.

2) Your Ex Wants You to Chase Them

This one seems dead wrong, doesn’t it? Because maybe you’ve already chased your ex, and maybe they’ve already told you to go the hell away.

In truth, your ex does want you to go away… sort of. They want the freedom to tell you to piss off (because right now being around you is uncomfortable), but the comfort and security and ego-stroking happiness of knowing you’re still trying to get them back.

So the more you chase them? The more they love it. But also, the more they slip away – because chasing after your ex once he or she breaks up with you is ALWAYS a terrible idea.

3) Your Ex Wants to See You Fail

Ever walk through public and pass an ex boyfriend or girlfriend? The first thing through your mind is how they look, or sometimes more important, how the new person on their arm looks.

Without realizing it, you want that person to totally suck. You want your ex to look terrible, and for their new boyfriend or girlfriend to look like an absolute train wreck. And of course you do, because that’s just human nature.

Understand something: when you dump someone, you always want to feel as if that person would’ve been better off had they stayed with you. So when you see them thriving and doing well without you? It makes you instantly question yourself. If you broke up with them recently, it makes you want to see them… talk to them… possibly even get them back. Why? Because you just lost something of value. Something you didn’t realize was valuable until you lost it.

Applying this to your own situation, the BEST thing you can do right now is live well. Dress your best, look your best – lose weight or buy new clothes or get some new guy/girl on your arm as soon as you can. Because when your ex eventually gets wind of these things? They’re going to seriously reconsider their decision to dump you.

The 12 Biggest Mistakes You Can Make After a Breakup

More often than not, fixing your breakup is less about what you do, and more about what you DON’T do. Sometimes you can get your ex to want you back by doing absolutely nothing, simply because you won’t be making any of the more lethal, romance-killing mistakes that would drive them away.

Here’s the full list of mistakes you should absolutely avoid making if you want ANY chance at reconciliation. Study them hard, and remember that just because you may have committed two or three of them doesn’t mean you can rectify things going forward.

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