The Friend Zone… we’ve all been there. We’ve all dreaded it, and we’ve all tried to escape.
Fact is, very few guys have escaped. Most of them get stuck there forever, drifting further and further away from ever dating this girl who considers them nothing more than a ‘friend’.
Others botch the situation to the point where it’s almost painful. They do everything for these girls. They take them places, they buy them expensive things. They do more for them than even their boyfriends do, and yet these girls still see them as nothing more than “just a friend”.
If you’re in the Friend Zone right now, it’s time to get out. It’s time to sack up and actually do something. You want to date this girl? DO IT. Don’t deliver some lame excuse such as being “afraid of losing the friendship” when in actuality you want her as a girlfriend more than anything else in the world.
The following three methods will get you out of the Friend Zone. Read them, study them, and then pick the one that’s right for you. But first? Read these 8 Things All Women Are Attracted To and make sure you’re exhibiting at least six or more of these qualities.
Okay, now let’s break out of the Friend Zone once and for all:
Ask Her Out. On a DATE. Yes. An Actual DATE.
Most guys stuck as “just a friend” don’t realize they’re the ones keeping themselves from succeeding. Because to break out of the Friend Zone? You actually have to take that giant leap forward and ask this girl out.
No, ‘going out’ with her places doesn’t count. All those movies, dinners, long drives or walks together… none of that means Jack Squat. You did those things as her FRIEND. You were stuck in a place where none of that stuff earned you any potential boyfriend credit.
Here’s what you do. Next time you’re with this girl, and the weekend is coming up, you tell her:
“Hey. I’m taking you out this Saturday. ON A DATE. Yes, a DATE date.
And no, you can’t say no. The only thing you can tell me right now is
what time I’m picking you up.”
At this point your ‘friend’ will act dismayed. Is she really? Hell no. Because 100% of the girls who say stuff like “I can’t believe he asked me out! I had no idea he really liked me as more than a friend!” are flat out lying about it.
GIRLS KNOW. They ALWAYS know. There’s not a girl on this planet who can’t tell whether you’re into her or not, especially after having spent so much time with you. So as she acts all taken aback and pretends to pick her jaw up off the floor? You tell her:
“Please, spare it. You KNOW I like you. And you know what? You like me too.
We’ve hung out enough and gotten along so well it’s way past time we
at LEAST gave something like this a shot.”
And there it is. Your cards are out on the table. Rather than pretending to be this girl’s good buddy for the next several years, you’ve flat out admitted that you like her.
The trick here is to do this CONFIDENTLY. If you do it in a sheepish way, she’s gonna balk. If you do it weakly, or if you ask her lamely “do you like me the way I like you?” you come across as a total pushover wuss. Which is certainly not attractive, when it comes to being her possible BOYFRIEND.
Asking a girl out that you’ve known for a long time is flattering. She’s going to appreciate that. Doing it like this makes her rethink your friendship. She’s already classified you as “just a friend”, and now suddenly you’re going to be re-classified… hopefully into a potential boyfriend.
Withdraw the Friendship – Disappear From Her Life and Let Her See That She Needs You
This method stands on its own. But it can also be particularly successful if you’ve already tried method #1 and she failed to go out with you.
Here, you’re going to capitalize on the fact that this girl relies on you. She’s leaned on you for friendship (and companionship and advice) for so long, she’s developed a sort of dependency. And the best thing to do in that case? Is to take yourself away.
Stop responding to her. Don’t answer her calls, don’t reply to her text messages. When your friend finally gets back in touch with you and asks what’s up? Tell her “Listen, let’s meet up, we have to talk.”
Eventually, sit her down face to face (don’t do it over text or something stupid like that) and tell her:
“Look. I LIKE you. As a friend, sure, but also as much more than a friend.
You’d have to be crazy not to see it by now.”
She’ll get quiet. Most girls do. Or maybe she’ll even say something, but whatever it is you continue with:
“I can’t be ‘just friends’ with you anymore. It’s too hard. You’re too fucking awesome and we get along too ridiculously well for us not to at least TRY to date each other.
We would be stupid not to.”
Your goal here is to convince her to give things a shot. To reconsider and reclassify you based on how well you’ve gotten along as friends. If she’s dated a bunch of jerks, mention that. If she’s never happy with the guys she picks, point it out. Then point out how you’ve gotten along so well for so long, and how dumb it would be not to try and take things to the next level.
If she doesn’t agree to go out with you, she’ll probably counter with “I don’t want to risk our friendship.” And here’s where you have to get hard. It’s a tough thing to do, but here’s where you tell her:
“Well that’s the thing – I can’t be friends with you anymore. I feel too close to you. It’s not friendship for me anymore, and if I told you it was I’d only be pretending.”
After that, walk away. Wish her well. Don’t cry or pout or act all bitter about it – do it as if it’s the most matter-of-fact thing in the world. By ripping the Band-Aid off quickly, you’re giving her a shock. She has to decide whether not seeing you at all is something she can cope with, or if maybe, just maybe she should be viewing you in a different way.
Again, you need to do this with an air of cool confidence. You CANNOT be weak. You CANNOT go for the ‘pity’ date, or you’ll just look like an asshole. Remember: either she dates you or she doesn’t date you, but there’s no middle ground. There’s no going back to “just friends” because it’s a convenient, safe place for her.
The Big Commitment: Go in for the Kiss
This method is the ballsiest, but it also provides the most instant reward. You’re going to go full-out here, balls to the wall. Sink or swim.
Next time you’re supposed to hang out with this girl, make sure you look and feel your absolute best. Take her somewhere cool. Somewhere that could even be considered romantic, like a beach, or a quiet, darkened restaurant. Talk her up, and no matter what you have to do, make her laugh. And just as she’s finished laughing?
Lean in and plant one on her lips.
DON’T do it hesitantly. DON’T pull back. Kiss her like you really mean it. Like you’ve been kissing her for years and years.
One of two things will happen here. Either she’ll go with it – in which case you’re on the final rung of the ladder leading out of the Friend Zone – or she’ll pull away from you. No matter what happens though, make no apologies for what you did.
“Look, you’re awesome. I’m tired of pretending you’re not. I’m sick of being the ‘friend’ to such an amazing, cool girl. I want to be something more, and I want you to want that too.”
The worst thing you can do is berate yourself, or say “I’m sorry I did that…” or any of that kind of stuff. BE A MAN. Make no bones about the fact that you’re attracted to this girl, and make no excuses for wanting to be with her. She may not have been ready for you to kiss her like that, but she certainly has to see you differently. You’re out of the Friend Zone one way or the other, and that’s always a good thing. A girl will let you sit in the Friend Zone forever if you don’t do something to help yourself out.
Understand something: discomfort or embarrassment are fleeting. REGRET IS FOREVER. You’re far better off giving things a try than just sitting there acting like a goofball “friend” to this girl when you really want something more.
And to be honest? Some of these girls are waiting for you to make the first move. Imagine how hard you’ll kick yourself 5, 10, 15 years down the line when you run into this girl again and playfully say “I wonder why we never dated?” only to hear her reply “Well, probably because you never actually asked me out!”
NEVER feel ashamed that you tried to be with someone. NEVER feel bad about opening up and telling them your feelings. The worst that can happen is you go home alone. The best that could happen is you go home together.Share this: