Ever break up with someone over and over again, but keep trying to stay in the relationship? Well you’re not alone. Everyone does this at one time or another, struggling to keep a romance alive that just doesn’t… well… fit.
The following is a big list of red flags. The more of these that apply to your current (or past) relationship? The more you probably would be better off apart.
1. Your Partner Makes You Feel Guilty All The Time
Ever feel guilty just taking time for yourself? Even doing little things with friends and family? That’s the type of guilt a relationship really doesn’t need. This is a huge sign of an overprotective, needy lover.
2. The Love Feels… One-Sided
A good relationship is a 50/50 partnership; both people love and respect each other as equals. So when you start feeling as if you love your boyfriend or girlfriend a little bit more than they love you? The balance of power shifts, and you start getting taken advantage of.
Keep in mind, this can go two ways. If your partner loves you more than you love them, you’ll feel as if they’re being clingy or needy and this can also be a huge turnoff.
3. Your Lover is Never Happy For Your Successes
Healthy couples lift each other up rather than tear each other down. So if your boyfriend or girlfriend seems constantly ‘annoyed’ when you get a promotion, succeed at something, or get good news? It’s because he or she is jealous – and insecure – of your success.
4. You Stopped Hanging Out with Your Friends During the Course of Your Relationship
This is a common one. It’s okay – and inevitable – to spend less time with friends once you get a new boyfriend or girlfriend. That said, if your partner is making you feel guilty about seeing your friends at all? This is toxic, unhealthy thing… and it will eventually cause resentment on your part, leading to the demise of your relationship.
5. Your Ex Held You to Double-Standards
Was he allowed to go out with his friends, but you weren’t? Was she allowed to take trips without you, but you were forbidden to do the same? These kinds of double-standards are a sign of unhealthy jealousy. Your lover is personifying their insecurities through control, trying to keep you from doing things they themselves see no problem with doing.
6. You Argued Over Nothing. Literally.
Big fights over important stuff are one thing. But big fights spawned from little arguments over the most insignificant bullshit? That’s a sign of resentment. You and your partner are bickering over little tiny things because you resent each other for bigger, underlying reasons. The thing you’re arguing about is not the actual problem.
7. You’re Looking For Reasons to NOT See Each Other
When you start avoiding your boyfriend or girlfriend because hanging out with them seems like a ‘chore’, it’s a sure sign you’re losing interest. Either that, or you’re hanging out too much and need to back off a little and give each other some breathing room.
8. Your Relationship is Consumed by Jealousy
The most powerful and ugly of all emotions is jealousy. If you or your partner are constantly jealous of each other, especially in situations where things are nothing more than totally innocent, it’s another sign that the relationship has gone toxic.
A good, healthy relationship allows for TRUST and FREEDOMS. If you don’t have those things, jealousy will run your romance straight into the ground.
9. You Just Can’t See a Future Together
A strong relationship allows you to see long term. You and your partner get so close that you can’t imagine a life without each other, and that’s when you start planning for your future.
If you’ve been dating for a significant amount of time (more than 6 months) and you still can’t see a future with this person? It’s a sure indication that the relationship might be more of a temporary dalliance, or fling.
10. You’re Always Longing for the ‘Good Old Days’, or Wishing Things Could Be Like the Past
If you’re wishing things could be like they were “in the beginning”, it’s a sign that your relationship has devolved. Maybe it’s fighting, or arguing, or jealousy, or just plain boredom. But no matter what it is, something’s very, very wrong.
Here are 4 big signs your partner boyfriend or girlfriend loves you. If you’re still seeing some of these signs, there might be hope to save the relationship.
11. You’re Looking For Reasons to Be Mad
When being ‘right’ about something becomes more important than actually loving and caring for someone, it easily leads to picking fights. In this type of relationship you’re always chasing after that “Ah ha!” moment, to prove your lover is wrong about something. Seeking an apology all the time is another bad sign. This means you’re constantly playing the victim, looking for negative attention just so you can be ‘right’ and your lover can be ‘wrong’. That’s not a relationship anymore. It’s something worse.
12. You’re Always Trying to Outdo Each Other
A good romance is a partnership; you succeed together, and you build each other up. In short, it should feel like it’s the two of you against the rest of the world! And nothing can stop you.
So if you feel like you’re actually competing with your partner? That’s bad. It’s a sign of resentment toward each other when you’re always trying to one-up your boyfriend or girlfriend, or prove that you’re ‘better’ than they are.
13. Your Relationship is a Constant Power-Struggle
Who’s right? Who’s wrong? It doesn’t make a difference, because you’re too busy fighting. When your romance devolves into an eternal power-struggle to see who’s right and who’s wrong, there’s no time left to love or respect each other. You have to stop trying to be the victor and start trying to be a partner.
14. You’re Constantly Lying About Things
If you have to lie to your boyfriend or girlfriend all the time, it’s because there’s something very, very wrong. Either they’re overly jealous, or controlling, or whatever… but something is making you fabricate lies as to where you went, who you’ve been with, and what you’ve been doing without them… even if those things are completely innocent.
15. Your Friends and Family Don’t Approve of the Relationship
We all bring home people our parents (or friends) don’t like. That said, when you look around and suddenly you’re the only one who thinks your lover is a good person? Chances are he or she might be not so great a match for you. This could include all types of abuse; physical, emotional, verbal, mental… make sure this person loves you for who you are and isn’t trying to mold you into something they desire.
16. None of the Time You Spend is Quality Time
Just hanging out? Not really going anywhere or doing anything? That’s fine, as long as you’re having fun and loving the time you spend with your partner.
However, if you look back over the last half-dozen times you spent together and can only see the fights and arguments? That’s because you’re either spending too much time together, or you’re too busy resenting each other to spend that time doing quality things.
What to Do if Your Relationship is Toxic
If you find your romance has changed from something loving and great into something toxic, there might still be time to save it. Check out these two articles that give you step by step instructions on how to fix things between you, and put you back on the right track: