Calling Your Ex Boyfriend - Do's and Don'ts of Post-Breakup Contact
Re-establishing contact with your ex is an important part of getting back together, and you'll need to know exactly what to say. Learn the right and wrong ways to call your ex boyfriend, including tips on how to make the conversation go as smoothly as possible.
Thinking of calling your ex boyfriend? If so, you're probably looking to get him back. You're looking for the perfect thing to say: that one magical yet important thing that will suddenly make him want you again.
Repairing your breakup is an obtainable goal, especially if you take all the necessary steps in the right order. Yet before you make this very important phone call, there are a few tremendously big things you need to know about dialing up an ex boyfriend who previously ended your relationship.
Getting Your Ex To Miss You First
When you call your exboyfriend is almost as important as what you should say to him. If you're trying to get in touch with him immediately after the breakup, chances are good you're making a big mistake. Chasing or hounding your ex boyfriend after he ends the relationship is never a good idea, which is why any communication you initiate with him should come after a period of withdrawl and zero contact.
Your boyfriend should thoroughly miss you before you attempt to call him. In fact, there are methods and techniques you can actually use to get your ex to call you. Learn these first, and if they've failed to make your phone ring it might be time to reach out to him.
Calling Your Ex Boyfriend at the Right Time
They say that timing is everything, and whoever they are, they're right. Make that call at the wrong time and it can easily turn into a total disaster, which is why you need some serious foresight before dialing your exboyfriend's number.
For example, when does your ex work? You never want to call him right before work (when he's about to leave) or right after he gets home (before he has time to unwind). And it should go without saying, but you certainly don't want to call him at work, either.
Also try not to call him when he's out with his friends. At best, he'll rush you off the phone. At worst, he'll try to make an example at how much you must still want him.
The best time to call your ex should be right after dinnertime, later into the evening. This is when your boyfriend's day is over, and he's probably relaxing. Nighttime is also a time of reflection. If your ex is missing you at all, it's during these hours when he's least occupied by other stuff. Calling him when he's most susceptible to feeling lonely will help get the results you want, which is to get your ex both thinking about you and nostalgic about your past relationship.
Good Reasons To Call Your Ex Boyfriend
If you've set the stage correctly (by withdrawing completely and leaving him alone for a while), talking to your ex boyfriend for the first time since the break up should be fairly simple. The only thing you'll really need is a reason for calling.
Calling your ex without knowing what you're going to say is like going into battle without a weapon. You'll feel vulnerable and ineffective. Even worse, your ex will sense your apprehension, mistake it for weakness, and lose even more respect for you then he already has.
One of the best reasons to call an ex boyfriend would be to check up on family. If you dated him for any length of time, you might be close with his parents or siblings. Asking how his mom did with her recent operation is a sweet yet cool reason to dial him up. Calling to see how his sister got off to her first year of college is another good one. By making yourself concerned with family matters, you come off as thoughtful and non-invasive.
Even better, did your ex accomplish something while you've been apart? Graduation? Promotion? Did his birthday pass? This gives you an excuse to get back in touch, and for reasons that are innocent and good. A great way to break the ice would be something like:
"Listen, of course I noticed what day it was today, and I would've felt like a jerk if I didn't at least call to wish you a happy birthday..."
This shows that you're thinking about him, but that you were also a little reluctant to pick up the phone. Since you haven't tried to call or communicate with your ex in a while (no-contact, remember?), he's not immediately suspicious of your motives for calling. It could be that since you shared such intimate time together while you were dating, you just happened to remember his birthday. In this case, your exboyfriend will think it's pretty sweet that you called.
Talking To Your Exboyfriend After The Break Up
Okay so you've made the call... he's picked up the phone... now, what should you say to him?
Always try to speak to your ex as if you were still dating him: that is, with the same level of comfort you always used to have. Confidence is king. Don't let nervousness take over, and try not to be at a loss here... concentrate on staying calm, staying cool, and above all else, staying casual.
As a general rule, it's always good to let your ex do most of the talking. You probably have a lot to catch up on, and small talk will dominate the conversation. This is good, because you want to avoid any heavy subjects. Don't talk about dating, and don't mention the breakup. Right now you're only reconnecting with your ex boyfriend, not trying to get him back (that comes later).
When and How to End the Ex-Boyfriend Phone Call
In getting off the phone with your exboyfriend, you always want to initiate the departure. You do this by claiming that you're sorry, but you 'have to run'. Let him know it was great hearing from him again, and he should give you a shout if he wants to talk more. Then, without explaining too much more, say goodbye.
This approach is good because you stay in control. You're ending the call before the conversation gets stale or awkward, or either of you runs out of things to say. By telling your ex boyfriend you have to run, he's going to immediately wonder what's so important that you actually hung up on him to go do it. This creates interest, and gets his mind going about you again. You're actually leaving him wanting more, which could easily lead to a second or third phone call.
Re-establishing contact is a critical and necessary part of getting your boyfriend back. Done correctly it can quickly get your ex interested in you again, and lead to a reunion date. Make sure you know exactly what you're doing, and what you plan to say before ever picking up the phone. And even better? Have a step by step plan for getting your ex to want you again, from start to finish.
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