Talking To Your Ex Boyfriend After The Breakup - What It Means
Every break up has the potential for reconciliation. Whether or not you get your boyfriend back depends on what you do, when you do it, and how you interpret his signs of interest.
Knowing how your ex feels about you can go a long way toward getting him back. And if your ex boyfriend still talks to you? You need to realize what it means.
Any time an exboyfriend keeps in touch with you after breaking things off, it's a sign that he's not ready to let go. Although he may have ended the relationship, your ex still wants the option to change his mind. Keeping the lines of communication open is an easy way for him to get his foot back in the door, should he decide he wants you back.
In the meantime however, your ex also wants you to stand still. He doesn't want you going anywhere right now - losing you to someone else is a worst-case scenario for you. When a guy still has feelings for you, he might lead you on from time to time... giving you signs that he's still interested. But the longer you let him string you along? The longer you're actually going to prolong the break up, and keep your reconciliation from happening naturally.
If you're sitting around wondering why your ex boyfriend still talks to you, the best thing to do is ask yourself the following questions:
What kind of written or email communication have you had with your ex boyfriend since he broke up with you?
Some guys will walk away without a word. Others will feel the need to write stuff down. What your ex says when he says goodbye can determine whether or not he's leaving for good.
One of the more common things a guy will do when he's not sure he wants to lose you is write out an apology letter. In it, he accepts some or all of the blame for breaking up. The real reason you got such a letter is simple: your ex wants to part on good terms. Even though he knows you'll be upset or even angry that he broke up with you, apologizing is his way of softening the blow and leaving the door open for a future relationship. This is a sure sign that he still loves and wants you, but may not be ready to jump back into your romance just yet.
An even bigger indication that your ex is thinking about you: getting unsolicited cards or flowers on your birthday. When your ex boyfriend remembers your birthday even after you've broken up, you can be sure you're still stuck in his head.
An ex who's writing little more than emails and text messages, and who's only making small talk? That's okay for a while. Eventually however, you'll need to amp up the level of intimacy during your communication. One of the best ways to do this is by using reinsertion techniques to remind him of the great times you once shared together. Learning how to place yourself back in your ex boyfriend's heart again is a critical part of winning him back.
Does your ex ever talk about the "good old days" when you were together?
An ex boyfriend who keeps bringing up the good times you had together is an ex boyfriend who can't let go. He's still got feelings for you, and is weighing your recent relationship against memories from the past. If you're wondering why my ex boyfriend still talks to me... it's because of these feelings.
The things you did, places you went, and happy times you had together are what defined you as a couple. Time has the tendency to heal all wounds, and bad memories tend to fade faster than good ones. Over a long enough period, both you and your ex will remember only the good things you did together - strengthening the bonds between you.
The more often your ex brings up the past, the more he's thinking about it. But the biggest indication that your ex still loves you and may be ready to get back together occurs when he starts blaming you for the break up. He can't help but do this; he wants you back, but accepting blame for the end of the relationship makes it harder to piece things back together. Therefore, he tries to drag you into the blame game... even though he knows you're not at fault.
Any time your ex boyfriend takes steps in your direction, you need to be encouraging. Many women can actually sabotage their own efforts to get back with an exboyfriend because they're too quick to assign blame as an ex is trying to approach them. Try not to do this, or your ex may take it as a sign you're rejecting his advances.
Exactly how did your boyfriend break things off with you?
Some guys will break up with you without giving a concrete reason. But if your boyfriend did sit you down for this type of talk, his reasons for ending the relationship can have a huge bearing on the future of ever dating him again.
When a guy flat out tells you he's not interested in seeing you anymore, it's about the worst it can get. Either he's being brutally honest and lacks some class, or he's angry at how things have turned out. In either case, you have your work cut out for you if you want him back. This is an uncommon way to break things off, but it does happen.
An ex who suggests that each of you would be better off with someone else already has that person in mind. Your ex is setting you up for a few days or weeks later, when you find out he has a new girlfriend. He's trying to cover his ass, because now he can point back to your conversation and say "Well we already discussed seeing other people" - a cowardly way out, but at least he's being semi-honest with you.
When your boyfriend "wants space", he's not sure what he wants. Half of him wants to still be with you, and the other half is wandering off. You need to act quickly here, if you want to keep him interested.
If fighting and arguing was a key part of your break up, this can actually be good news. Fiery relationships can be passionate, and your ex may still rely heavily upon seeing you. Immaturity however, and constant bickering over little things? That can really destroy your romance. If the fighting has been spread out over a long period of time, it's probably not a good sign.
Finally, when your ex asks for a break instead of a break up? He's not ready to lose you just yet. Ideally, he wants you to stay put while he figures out if there's anyone better for him out there. The best thing you can do is not stay put, and force your exboyfriend to make a choice by giving the appearance that you yourself are ready to move on. When your ex realizes you're not going to wait around forever, that's when he'll make immediate moves to get you back.
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Author Michael Griswold draws upon years of dating experience, research, and relationship repair advice to compile a complete step-by-step system for winning back your lost love. Ex Boyfriend, ex girlfriend - it really doesn't matter here, because M3's tactics are designed to work on ANY breakup, no matter what the time frame.
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- No Contact vs. Limited Contact - Which is right for you, and how to apply these methods to reverse your breakup.
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