Get Back With an Ex 101 - Basic Breakup Biology

If there's one thing we can all agree upon, it's that getting dumped sucks. Being rejected by someone you're still in love with is bad enough, but coming to the slow realization that you won't be seeing them anymore? That's the real kicker.

Reverse Your Breakup
Understanding the anatomy of the breakup

Whether you just lost your boyfriend or girlfriend, both sexes are in an equally bad position after your lover breaks up with you. You go from a position of equal power to having no power at all, and it's way too easy to feel powerless, helpless, and totally alone.

At the same time you'll be scrambling to do something - anything you can, really - just to get your ex back. You'll make moves without thinking. You'll take action without even one small semblance of a plan. You'll spin your wheels just for the sake of watching them spin, because sitting there and doing nothing about your breakup seems like an even more terrible option to you.

When it comes to separation there are two basic types of breakups. First you've got the breakup that just occurred; your boyfriend or girlfriend dumped you within the last few days or even hours, leaving things fresh in both your minds. Whether you saw it coming or not you're still reeling from the news, and at this point your mind is probably running a mile a minute. You've got a clear vision of what you want to accomplish, without even a single idea on what to do next.

The other type of breakup is the one that's a week or more old. We may even be talking months here, depending upon the situation. In this case you've probably already tried (and tried... and tried...) to get back with your ex boyfriend or girlfriend. You called, you wrote, you tried to persuade them. Maybe it started out with some calm reasoning and logic, but after a few failures it quickly degenerated into begging, pleading, stalking, or even worse (and yes, there's worse).

The good news however, is that no breakup is forever. At least, not until your ex moves on. And even then? There are still ways of getting them back, even if they've already started dating someone else. It's all a matter of finding just the right combination of words, deeds, and actions that create the original atmosphere of your early relationship. Somewhere out there is a mystical, magical combination of just the right moves... moves that will win your ex over and make them fly eagerly back into your arms.

Stopping Your Breakup and Reversing The Momentum

So what exactly reverses an unwanted breakup? What causes some couples to get back together for a second chance, while other couples walk away and never talk to each other again?

Stop Your Breakup
After a breakup, you can often
become your own worst enemy.

The answer to that question isn't as complicated as you think. Once you break the process down into the following six steps, you'll learn exactly what needs to happen in order to make your ex want, need, and love you again. And guess what? On many levels, they already still do. But that's something you'll learn about a bit later.

Yet as simple and straightforward as the process might be, it can be made complicated. And the culprit, unfortunately, is going to be YOU. Because breakups are so radical and emotionally jarring, most people immediately begin making the wrong moves when it comes to getting back together again. They end up moving backwards instead of forwards - shooting themselves in the foot instead of gaining precious ground on the road to getting an ex back... all because they act without thinking, or take action based on gut feelings at the time.

These are the situations where you end up pushing your ex away. These are the scenarios in which your ex stops talking to you, or refuses to take your calls. This is where you feel your boyfriend or girlfriend grow cold, detached, and clinical toward you. All because you're making the wrong moves to get them back instead of the right ones, while time keeps ticking away.

In essence? Making no moves at all is often the right thing to do. But that also depends upon timing, because there are certain windows of opportunity during your breakup when you really must take action. Being proactive is always better than being reactive; this goes for just about every obstacle you face in life, especially including your breakup.

First Moves To Make After Your Ex Breaks Up With you

I hate to say it, but the first moves you make after getting dumped are some of the most critical. And since you've probably already made some moves, you're wondering if you haven't already screwed up... big time.

Breakup First Moves
Immediately after the breakup: your
earliest moves are the most important.

The important thing to see here is that you'll never get your ex back until two very simple things happen. First, your ex has to MISS you. Having broken up with you already, your ex isn't going to take you back until he or she actually feels that hollow, empty void in their life that used to be filled by you. They need to feel that longing again, or nothing you can pull out of your get your ex back bag of tricks will help you.

Second and even more crucial, your ex must WANT you back. This is usually followed by some applied logic; your ex can't take you back under the exact same circumstances he or she left you. Something between you needs to change in order for your boyfriend or girlfriend to feel the pressing need to reverse the breakup, and want to be a couple again.

In other words, just plain arguing or reasoning isn't going to win your ex back. They won't get back together because 'you love them more than anything', or are 'miserable without them'. You need to stop saying these things, and stop pushing your own wants and desires on your ex.

What you want isn't important right now... it's what your ex wants that really matters. This is a concept most people miss, and it's easy to do so. You're so wrapped up in telling your ex how much YOU want them and how much YOU need them in your life, that you don't stop to think about what they want... or were actually looking for when they decided to dump you.

Before he or she will take you back, an idea has to form in your ex's head that things will be different this time around. The future of your relationship needs to look better than the past. It's up to you to plant this idea in your ex's head, as this is one of the driving factors that will get them on board with the whole reconciliation process.

So your first moves? They're easy in theory, but hard in practice:

Proceed to Step 2: Counter Rejecting Your Ex

Get Ex Back Blog
Ex Factor