When Should I Call Her? Contacting Your Ex Girlfriend
Every break up has the potential for reconciliation... as long as you know when and how to make your approach. First contact is one of the most important parts of getting back with an ex, and you need to approach it that way.
know when to do it, and what to say.
Making contact with your ex girlfriend after she dumps you can be tricky, and timing is crucial. Do it too soon, and you're going to push her away. Wait too long, and you risk losing your girlfriend to someone else.
When you girlfriend breaks up with you, it's easy to feel lost. You'll want to reach out and try to get her back, but at the same time you probably realize she needs some space.
Obviously, you can't say what you want to say to her right now. You can't get your girlfriend back on the basis of how much you still love her, or need her. Because what really matters here, is how she feels about you, and what she needs. Most guys don't realize that, and that's where they end up chasing an ex girlfriend in the opposite direction instead of bringing her closer again. The ruin any possible chance of getting an exgirlfriend back before they even get started on the reconciliation process.
So when should you call her? How long should you wait before contacting your ex girlfriend, and most of all, what should you say?
Neither one of these questions are easy. While every situation will be different, there are still some hard and fast rules for initiating contact with your ex, depending upon how long it's been since she broke up with you.
When Should I Call Her?
Immediately after she breaks things off is actually the worst time to get in touch with your ex. Sitting home alone you'll do a lot of thinking... you'll be brainstorming ways to get her back. You'll convince yourself that you have things to say to her that will sway her decision, and you may even write your girlfriend a long, detailed letter. Most guys then make the mistake of contacting their exgirlfriend in an attempt to convey these thoughts, thinking they have a limited window of opportunity to stop the breakup from becoming permanent.
The bad news is this: your breakup already happened. It already is permanent. There's nothing you can do or say right now to get your girlfriend to change her mind, and the more you pressure her the worse off it will be. Steering clear of immediate contact is a very necessary part of getting your ex back. You need to clear your own head, give her space, and allow your ex time to actually miss you. None of these things can happen if you're busy chasing your ex girlfriend immediately after breaking up. Coming off as desperate or pushy will destroy your chances later on of getting back together again.
So when should you call? How do you know the time is right?
If you can go without contacting your ex for about four to five weeks, you'll have created a scenario in which contacting her can finally be successful. During such a long time period, many things happen. First, even though she initiated it, your ex is just as emotionally affected by the break up as you are. She's wondering if she made the right decision, and she's looking over her shoulder to see how the breakup has affected you. By dropping out of sight and not making contact, you've shown her that you've got a life of your own. By not chasing your ex you're actually moving on... and this is way more attractive than if you're always calling, emailing, or texting her to see "how she's doing".
In time, your girlfriend will begin to miss you. The bad memories (fighting, arguing, etc...) will fade, leaving only the good memories behind. Your ex will begin thinking about the good times and fun places you went together, and as time continues to go by, she'll start getting lonely. As she broke up with you, one thing your ex didn't anticipate was how lonely she'd feel with you gone. By leaving her to her own thoughts, you've made your ex miss you - and all the while, you've come off as someone who's got his own thing going on.
Contacting Your Ex Girlfriend For the First Time
Calling your ex girlfriend at this point (if she hasn't already reached out to you) can be a necessary part of reconnecting. When you do call her, make sure it's in the later part of the evening.
Right before your ex goes to bed she's most vulnerable to talking to you... this is when she's alone, the day is winding down, and she's got the time to actually speak. You'll want to make your call short, quick, and casual - staying on the phone for five minutes is probably too long. You want to touch base, reconnect, and get off the phone while she's still wanting to talk to you some more.
If you've given your ex enough time and space, she'll be receptive to hearing from you again. She won't think you're calling to get back together or for some other ulterior motive. In fact, if she hasn't been able to see or hear about you for a few weeks your ex is actually going to be curious as to what you're up to. This is why such a call works: you've created a situation in which she actually wants to hear from you again.
Getting your girlfriend back isn't something that happens overnight, and it definitely doesn't happen without a step by step plan. You can't pick up the phone and just wing it, and you can't keep pressing your ex to see you and hope for the best. Knowing exactly what to do and say can be a critical part of making contact with your exgirlfriend, especially if you've managed to keep up her curiosity. Learning which reconnection methods and techniques are best can mean the difference between putting her back in your arms or losing her for good.
So when should you call your ex? Only when the time is right. Before going forward, be sure to look for the signs your ex girlfriend still loves you, as these can help you determine exactly when to make your move, and when to wait out the no-contact phase just a little bit longer.
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